poets corner

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pale of water
Stupid Jill forgot her pill
Now they have a daughter
 
There was a copper from punction
who could not get is organ to function
for a year or two he had to make do
with some spit on the end of is trunchion.
 
She was only a colonels daughter but..........

she what reggie ment!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little a*sehole
 
Jack and Jill Went up the hill
to smoke some marijuanna.
Jack got high and dropped his fly
and said, "jill, do you wanna?"

Jill said yes and dropped her dress
and then they had some fun.
but silly Jill forgot the Pill
and now they have a son!
 
There was a young vampire called Mabel,
Whose periods were heavy but stable.
So every full moon,
She pulled out a spoon,
And drank herself under the table. :eek:

Tell us another one,
Just like the ther one.
Tell us another one, do...
 
Jack stood on the burning deck,
Eating red-hot scallops.
He dropped one down his trouser leg,
It burnt him on his...




...wait for it...




FOOT! :D
 
The boy stood on the burning deck
with a box of crackers,
one fell down his trouser leg and blow off
half his kneecap
 
Swimming in the swimming pool
is where I like to "B,"
wearing underwater goggles
so that I can "C."
Yesterday, before I swam,
I drank a cup of "T."
Now the pool's a "swimming ool"
because I took a "P."
 
My uncle had a budgie
He thought it was a rat
He dipped it in the mustard
And fed it to the cat

:idunno:
 
The Redneck Love Poem .......

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love;
She Planned To Marry Joe.
She Was So Happy 'bout It All
She Told Her Pappy So.

Pappy Told Her, Susie Gal,
You'll Have To Find Another.
I'd Just As Soon Yo' Ma Don't Know,
But Joe Is Yo' Half Brother.

So Susie Put Aside Her Joe
And Planned To Marry Will,
But After Telling Pappy This,
He Said, "there's Trouble Still.

You Can't Marry Will, My Gal,
And Please Don't Tell You' Mother,
But Will And Joe, And Several Mo'
I Know Is Yo' Half Brother.

But Mama Knew And Said, My Child,
Just Do What Makes Yo' Happy.
Marry Will Or Marry Joe.
You Ain't No Kin To Pappy.
 
Ode to a Potty Break.


I sit so quietly in class
Until I feel this pain of gas
Which stabs intestines large and small;
I hope there is an empty stall!

Or I could be in bed at nine
And dreaming of a girl so fine,
Then I awake; a siren wails
From in my gut and my entrails.

In either case, I must agree
I always have to poop and pee.
But why? For now, I'll contemplate
And urinate and defecate.

If I can just ignore the smell,
I'll try my best to do them well.
Now to avoid those accidents,
Pull down your pants, you gals and gents.

Unsnap the top, unzip the fly,
And let them fall down past your thigh,
And plant your butt cheeks on the seat,
And . .OH MY WORD! My heart is weak.

This seat's an iceberg, minus ten!
As cold as liquid nitrogen!
This morning cold is just the worst.
At least I get to use it first!

Hey, read this writing on the wall
This guy's a homosexual
Who's asking others for some sex
I'll write the number of my ex!

And now here comes the easy part:
You must fire off a warning fart
To let them know the bombs will fall!
Forget about the other stall.

Let Nature do the rest--sit back!
Let the waste fall out your crack!
It's fecal matter; Hey, good-bye,
Exit out my bottom eye.

But since I'm here, I might as well
Excrete my urine, what the hell!
It takes one minute for a ****,
But just be sure that you don't miss.

Don't hit the walls or hit the doors
The janitors hate yellow floors.
Now get your strength back; you'll be strong,
When all that stress and strain is gone.

You'll have to wipe your fundament
And clean the excess excrement
Just use that roll of little towels
Protects your hands and cleans your bowels....

Unless the stuff's just too damn soft,
And rips so easily enough
That fingers go right straight on through,
Then my poor hand gets smeared with doo!

I want some stuff that's strong and fair,
That lets me know that it was there
A couple hours after use,
So nothing gets left hanging loose.

Yes, toilet paper--that's the stuff!
And I sure hope I have enough!
For one wipe, two wipes, three wipes, four,
And five wipes, six wipes, seven, more.

Now push the handle; it goes down
Into the sewer underground,
To give the sewer rats a treat.
It's good enough for them to eat!

Or it will help the grass to rise.
But now it's time to zip my flies
Do up my pants, connect my belt
I must admit, I haven't felt.

So good as this time yesterday.
I also did the 'bombs away!'
Now some clean people wash their hands,
But me? Hell no! I'll take the chance.

I must rush off to get some lunch
Some finger food that I can munch.
Oh crap! My ode is almost done!
The time sure flies when you have fun!

I hope you loved my words so true
About a thing we all must do.
And if you feel embitterment,
Just leave the room and take your SH*T!
 
Dammmm Sparky, some days you sit and think, and some days you sit and stink, LOL. Here's a couple short limericks:

1.
There was a young man named lancelot
Whom the townsfolk all looked upon askance a lot
For whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot

2.
There once was a priest named Clerier
Who felt not one bit inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a mother superior
 
Poor 'ickle baa-lamb....


Mary had a little lamb
Her wool was white and whispy
But then she caught the foot and mouth
And now its black and crispy


All together now, ahhh :D
 
On a similar theme...


"Mary had a little lamb
she called it little Ralph
But now its burning in a field
because of foot and mouth"


You thought that Mary would've realised first time round just how contagious foot and mouth was :rolleyes:
 
Your teeth are like the stars he said, and pressed her hand so white,
He spoke the truth for like the stars, her teeth came out at night........ :bigglasse
 
I wish I was a caterpillar,
Life would be a gas,
I'd climb up all the flowers and trees,
And slide down on my..............hands and knees!
 
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