These are two stories that l invaribly roll out after Dinner.
For those of you never to have had the pleasure of one of my Dinner Parties here goes, and thank yourself lucky as l only do kedgeree!
1/Being isolated from others light of foot, and waspish of tongue. l decided aged 18, to answer an add in Time Out. He sounded nice, a Doctor, a gynaecologist! After an exchange of letters, off Garinda trundled via National Express to Holland Park, West London.
Arriving at a smart basement flat l pressed the doorbell. The door opened, no one was there. Looking down there was the man l remembered from the photograph.
He was a dwarf.
Nothing against dwarves, but you'd have thought it might have been something that might have been mentioned in a letter, he'd told me he was Jewish, but not this!
The night that l arrived was his flatwarming party, and there were lots of people coming fron St. Mary's were he worked. He was very nice, and suggested we go for a drink at The King's Head in Chelsea. Good idea, we drove off, me in my finery him on a cushion.
The party was a great success, despite being told not to mention how we had met. Well l wasn't going to say l'd been playing Snow White, and he'd been Sneezy at an end of the Pier pantomime! Eventually the other guests left, we were left alone in the ONE bedroomed flat. What the hell, l put on my jim-jams and slipped between the sheets whilst he cleaned his peggies. All of a sudden he slid up from the bottom of the bed, and started saying l had lovely hair as he stroked me like a Timottei poodle. 'NO' didn't work. So not about to be dwarf- handled l took decisive action.
l removed the large drawer from under the bed, and made him sleep in that and dared him to make a peep. Please don't think me cruel, l lined the drawer with lovely comfy sweaters/ swaddling clothes. There we passed a pleasant night.
It was like a bizarre Nativity scene. Somewhere over West Kennsington that night, probably shone a bright star. Shepherds wandering around Olympia, Wise Men coming out of the Tube etc.
Besides the last bit about the star, this is a true story.
I left the next morning, instead of staying for the planned three nights.
Part two, 'The rematch',
to be continued.....
For those of you never to have had the pleasure of one of my Dinner Parties here goes, and thank yourself lucky as l only do kedgeree!
1/Being isolated from others light of foot, and waspish of tongue. l decided aged 18, to answer an add in Time Out. He sounded nice, a Doctor, a gynaecologist! After an exchange of letters, off Garinda trundled via National Express to Holland Park, West London.
Arriving at a smart basement flat l pressed the doorbell. The door opened, no one was there. Looking down there was the man l remembered from the photograph.
He was a dwarf.
Nothing against dwarves, but you'd have thought it might have been something that might have been mentioned in a letter, he'd told me he was Jewish, but not this!
The night that l arrived was his flatwarming party, and there were lots of people coming fron St. Mary's were he worked. He was very nice, and suggested we go for a drink at The King's Head in Chelsea. Good idea, we drove off, me in my finery him on a cushion.
The party was a great success, despite being told not to mention how we had met. Well l wasn't going to say l'd been playing Snow White, and he'd been Sneezy at an end of the Pier pantomime! Eventually the other guests left, we were left alone in the ONE bedroomed flat. What the hell, l put on my jim-jams and slipped between the sheets whilst he cleaned his peggies. All of a sudden he slid up from the bottom of the bed, and started saying l had lovely hair as he stroked me like a Timottei poodle. 'NO' didn't work. So not about to be dwarf- handled l took decisive action.
l removed the large drawer from under the bed, and made him sleep in that and dared him to make a peep. Please don't think me cruel, l lined the drawer with lovely comfy sweaters/ swaddling clothes. There we passed a pleasant night.
It was like a bizarre Nativity scene. Somewhere over West Kennsington that night, probably shone a bright star. Shepherds wandering around Olympia, Wise Men coming out of the Tube etc.
Besides the last bit about the star, this is a true story.
I left the next morning, instead of staying for the planned three nights.
Part two, 'The rematch',
to be continued.....