B***** was too good for me.......I really didn't deserve someone so caring.
No...... how could I say that......? I DID deserve someone caring, but it just wasn't B***** and he deserved someone who would make him happy.
I just knew that person wasn't me. I should really have ended our relationship but, in truth I really didn't want to hurt him.
What I didn't see was that by continuing going out with him it gave him the hope that we could have something more permanent.
He came to see me at home one evening.......I was still recovering from being ill. I wasn't back at work.
B***** told me that he really missed coming to see me in the factory......he said my smile brightened his day.......I told him not to be so soft.
He then went on to say that as a treat he had booked a long weekend at the Hotel Metropole in Blackpool, saying he thought the change of scene and the sea air would buck me up.
I went ballistic......I said 'what makes you think I want you to do something like this.....? You know what my parents will think...... they will think we are going away for a dirty weekend.......well you can just go and un-book it'
B***** looked at me in despair. I felt like I had kicked Bambi.
He said 'look Margaret, I know your views and I have booked two rooms.....I have told your mother and she thought it was a good idea'
'Why didn't you ask me first? I said.
'I wanted to do something nice for you, and I wanted it to be a surprise'
He looked totally deflated...... but said that if I was sure I didn't want to go he would cancel it.
My mother was furious with me when she found out.......she said that B***** was a good man and that he cared about me a lot and this was how I thanked him. I told my mother that I didn't need any help in living my life.......and that actually I didn't care anything about him......the only person I really cared about was 12,000 miles away.
The argument with B**** caused quite a rift between my mum and me.
I went back to work and although we carried on going out together things felt a bit awkward.
B***** was as kind and thoughtful as ever, but I felt as if he was trying to buy my love......and it wasn't for sale.
He liked opera and he took me to see Madame Butterfly at Manchester......in the car on the drive over he told me all about the story.......I was 18 and thought it was going to be such a bore..... in fact I was worried that I might just fall asleep during the performance.
The music moved me to tears....... B***** hugged me to him like we were at the pictures instead of the Opera House......the tears wet my hair and his jacket......I think it was the music and the story and my past all rolled into one.
When the opera was over we went for a drink. B***** held my hand and told me that he loved me. He said that after F**** died he didn't think he would ever meet anyone who could make him feel like that again.
I was mortified......I did not want to be hearing this.
I told him that I didn't love him, but that I didn't want to hurt him.
I said that maybe we should not go out together anymore...... that he should look for someone who could love him back.
B***** said 'No.... don't say that.......I can wait, maybe you will grow to love me'
I shook my head and said that I wanted to go home.
We drove back from Manchester in a stony silence. When we arrived at my house I gave him a peck on the cheek and got out of the car.
When I got home I looked into the street below and his mini was still there.
I went to bed. At least I felt better knowing that I had finished it.
I thought that I could be happier single than with someone who I saw as 'second best'.
I went to work and the other spare weaver Maggie came to see me.
She looked as mad as hell.
'I've just seen B***** ' she said.
'Oh yeah'
'I hope you realise he is heartbroken' she said.
'I'm sure he will get over it' I said.
'You know, you are a callous piece of work......I thought that you two were very well suited'
'Maggie, you don't know me.......and you know nothing about the relationship that B***** and I had, so don't interfere'
'He is a lovely man, he doesn't deserve this' she said.
'I know Maggie......and he deserves someone far better than me......I don't love him and I never will......that is why I ended it. Now let's not fall out.....we have to work together' I said.
A couple of weeks went by and I was doing a bit of ironing for my mother....yes my life had gone back to square one again...... there was a knock on the back door.
I went to answer it and there stood B***** with a big bunch of red roses (and this was November) 'Hello Margaret, can I come in.....?
I said I was busy so he had better make it quick.
He said he had missed me and wondered if I would re-consider and go out with him again........I told him 'No'........to be continued
No...... how could I say that......? I DID deserve someone caring, but it just wasn't B***** and he deserved someone who would make him happy.
I just knew that person wasn't me. I should really have ended our relationship but, in truth I really didn't want to hurt him.
What I didn't see was that by continuing going out with him it gave him the hope that we could have something more permanent.
He came to see me at home one evening.......I was still recovering from being ill. I wasn't back at work.
B***** told me that he really missed coming to see me in the factory......he said my smile brightened his day.......I told him not to be so soft.
He then went on to say that as a treat he had booked a long weekend at the Hotel Metropole in Blackpool, saying he thought the change of scene and the sea air would buck me up.
I went ballistic......I said 'what makes you think I want you to do something like this.....? You know what my parents will think...... they will think we are going away for a dirty weekend.......well you can just go and un-book it'
B***** looked at me in despair. I felt like I had kicked Bambi.
He said 'look Margaret, I know your views and I have booked two rooms.....I have told your mother and she thought it was a good idea'
'Why didn't you ask me first? I said.
'I wanted to do something nice for you, and I wanted it to be a surprise'
He looked totally deflated...... but said that if I was sure I didn't want to go he would cancel it.
My mother was furious with me when she found out.......she said that B***** was a good man and that he cared about me a lot and this was how I thanked him. I told my mother that I didn't need any help in living my life.......and that actually I didn't care anything about him......the only person I really cared about was 12,000 miles away.
The argument with B**** caused quite a rift between my mum and me.
I went back to work and although we carried on going out together things felt a bit awkward.
B***** was as kind and thoughtful as ever, but I felt as if he was trying to buy my love......and it wasn't for sale.
He liked opera and he took me to see Madame Butterfly at Manchester......in the car on the drive over he told me all about the story.......I was 18 and thought it was going to be such a bore..... in fact I was worried that I might just fall asleep during the performance.
The music moved me to tears....... B***** hugged me to him like we were at the pictures instead of the Opera House......the tears wet my hair and his jacket......I think it was the music and the story and my past all rolled into one.
When the opera was over we went for a drink. B***** held my hand and told me that he loved me. He said that after F**** died he didn't think he would ever meet anyone who could make him feel like that again.
I was mortified......I did not want to be hearing this.
I told him that I didn't love him, but that I didn't want to hurt him.
I said that maybe we should not go out together anymore...... that he should look for someone who could love him back.
B***** said 'No.... don't say that.......I can wait, maybe you will grow to love me'
I shook my head and said that I wanted to go home.
We drove back from Manchester in a stony silence. When we arrived at my house I gave him a peck on the cheek and got out of the car.
When I got home I looked into the street below and his mini was still there.
I went to bed. At least I felt better knowing that I had finished it.
I thought that I could be happier single than with someone who I saw as 'second best'.
I went to work and the other spare weaver Maggie came to see me.
She looked as mad as hell.
'I've just seen B***** ' she said.
'Oh yeah'
'I hope you realise he is heartbroken' she said.
'I'm sure he will get over it' I said.
'You know, you are a callous piece of work......I thought that you two were very well suited'
'Maggie, you don't know me.......and you know nothing about the relationship that B***** and I had, so don't interfere'
'He is a lovely man, he doesn't deserve this' she said.
'I know Maggie......and he deserves someone far better than me......I don't love him and I never will......that is why I ended it. Now let's not fall out.....we have to work together' I said.
A couple of weeks went by and I was doing a bit of ironing for my mother....yes my life had gone back to square one again...... there was a knock on the back door.
I went to answer it and there stood B***** with a big bunch of red roses (and this was November) 'Hello Margaret, can I come in.....?
I said I was busy so he had better make it quick.
He said he had missed me and wondered if I would re-consider and go out with him again........I told him 'No'........to be continued
