l had an absolute awful, sleepless night. I felt as if l was going mad at six o'clock this morning, l was hallucinating and l was at rock bottom. l arrived at Cheryl's for my acupuncture at 11.15 in a real state. l was early and her previous patient was sleeping so she ushered me throught to the sitting room and gave me what l most needed, a love and a hug and a shoulder to cry my eyes out on.
I hate feeling like this, and before my treatment l had to tell her why and what had made me like this. Her main advice was that l should resign from the PDS. I told her l feel very guilty as they've spent a fortune on my taxis and fees for the course they sent me on. She made me see that by going l was seeing what could be my future and l wasn't getting anything from it, just giving. God that sounds selfish, but hey!
I've just girded my loins and phoned them and told them l will no longer be going to the meetings, l thanked them for their kindness but explained l need to do something away from this f'ing disease. They seemed to understand and wished me well. l feel a bit better, as l did when l went into a woken slumber at the acupuncturists.
I don't know what set me off feeling like this,l've been mentally strong for the last year since it happened. This morning l am ashamed to say l thought l couldn't go on any more, in this slow descent into being an invalid. l couldn't see anything to look forward to. Never being able to earn money or save up, never finding anyone l could spend my life with- who on earth would take on me, l'm messed up enough without the bloody tremors.
Well l may not know what l'll be doing next year, but l do know l'm going to the theatre on Friday with Lettie and Sparkologist, l'm meeting some Webbers on Sunday and the following Saturday- so l have something to look forward to, so stick that in your pipe Rindy Roo!
For anyone daft enough to read this self pitying drivel, l'm sorry but l needed to get it off my chest, and don't worry l'm going to turn this feeling right around and slap it's ass!
One small thing. Stupid, and if she reads this, it is certainly not you but ME my Darling chat bud. lt really upset me that l felt excluded in the chatroom, how sad is that? But l was thinking about it all night. My problem not your's, you've done nothing wrong, and l love chatting to you in the wee small hours, even if you must think l'm a total nut!
Soft Cell on the radio now, 'Standing in the door of The Pink Flamingo'- fab! Surely a good omen! :
I hate feeling like this, and before my treatment l had to tell her why and what had made me like this. Her main advice was that l should resign from the PDS. I told her l feel very guilty as they've spent a fortune on my taxis and fees for the course they sent me on. She made me see that by going l was seeing what could be my future and l wasn't getting anything from it, just giving. God that sounds selfish, but hey!
I've just girded my loins and phoned them and told them l will no longer be going to the meetings, l thanked them for their kindness but explained l need to do something away from this f'ing disease. They seemed to understand and wished me well. l feel a bit better, as l did when l went into a woken slumber at the acupuncturists.
I don't know what set me off feeling like this,l've been mentally strong for the last year since it happened. This morning l am ashamed to say l thought l couldn't go on any more, in this slow descent into being an invalid. l couldn't see anything to look forward to. Never being able to earn money or save up, never finding anyone l could spend my life with- who on earth would take on me, l'm messed up enough without the bloody tremors.
Well l may not know what l'll be doing next year, but l do know l'm going to the theatre on Friday with Lettie and Sparkologist, l'm meeting some Webbers on Sunday and the following Saturday- so l have something to look forward to, so stick that in your pipe Rindy Roo!
For anyone daft enough to read this self pitying drivel, l'm sorry but l needed to get it off my chest, and don't worry l'm going to turn this feeling right around and slap it's ass!
One small thing. Stupid, and if she reads this, it is certainly not you but ME my Darling chat bud. lt really upset me that l felt excluded in the chatroom, how sad is that? But l was thinking about it all night. My problem not your's, you've done nothing wrong, and l love chatting to you in the wee small hours, even if you must think l'm a total nut!
Soft Cell on the radio now, 'Standing in the door of The Pink Flamingo'- fab! Surely a good omen! :
xx