The very long e-mail I sent to the man who used to be my brother....and was sent to him yesterday,
was not meant to hurt him....it was not angry, it was just full of truths that this man did not know(or in some cases, accept)
Over the year since we lost Ma,I have revisited this e-mail.(many times)
It was initially written some 4 months after her death and when I was in the midst of the tiresome
legal wrangling that this man provoked.
Each time I went back to this long missive, I got angry and upset.
Upset that someone who had told me I was worth more than gold (for the way I had looked after Ma) had reversed their opinion of me....and that now I was a liar, a fraud and was committing collusion.
This, I was told, was not about the money(Ma's estate was very modest).
It was about equality(my eye)....it was about making sure that the beneficiaries got a good deal(says that man who robbed the beneficiaries of £2.5k....cost me a lot of time and effort).
It was about a misogynist scoring points against his (then) sister.
He thought I did not have the brains or the life skills to work my way through the process without getting duped.
This man sent me threatening and intimidating e-mails which necessitated cutting off personal contact.
Anything I said was twisted and used against me for the purpose of litigation.
This is not the kind of person you want in your life...not in ANY capacity.
So my anger could be understood....it was a rational response....especially as I found he had lied to other family members to blacken my name and create disrepute and trouble.
Each time I re-read my first e-mail the anger resurfaced....but now, more than a year on....that volcano has died.
I rewrote my thoughts of this man...in much gentler terms, but containing the same thoughts.
I did not want this man to feel like he had controlled me....that he had provoked such a tsunami of feelings.
I wanted my letter to him to be measured and controlled, I felt that this kind of approach would(if he has any finer feelings) pain him more.
I also let him know that his opinion of me is none of my business....and that my self esteem does not hang on the hook that IS his opinion of me.
That what he feels about me or my actions(which I let him know I do not regret) is totally irrelevant to me.
In the end I signed off wishing him luck....and I told him that Karma would decide what kind of luck that would be.
Every word in it was true....and in his heart he knows this.
He has lost the best sister it is possible to have.
Now it is done....I feel released from my lead boots....I can soar again
was not meant to hurt him....it was not angry, it was just full of truths that this man did not know(or in some cases, accept)
Over the year since we lost Ma,I have revisited this e-mail.(many times)
It was initially written some 4 months after her death and when I was in the midst of the tiresome
legal wrangling that this man provoked.
Each time I went back to this long missive, I got angry and upset.
Upset that someone who had told me I was worth more than gold (for the way I had looked after Ma) had reversed their opinion of me....and that now I was a liar, a fraud and was committing collusion.
This, I was told, was not about the money(Ma's estate was very modest).
It was about equality(my eye)....it was about making sure that the beneficiaries got a good deal(says that man who robbed the beneficiaries of £2.5k....cost me a lot of time and effort).
It was about a misogynist scoring points against his (then) sister.
He thought I did not have the brains or the life skills to work my way through the process without getting duped.
This man sent me threatening and intimidating e-mails which necessitated cutting off personal contact.
Anything I said was twisted and used against me for the purpose of litigation.
This is not the kind of person you want in your life...not in ANY capacity.
So my anger could be understood....it was a rational response....especially as I found he had lied to other family members to blacken my name and create disrepute and trouble.
Each time I re-read my first e-mail the anger resurfaced....but now, more than a year on....that volcano has died.
I rewrote my thoughts of this man...in much gentler terms, but containing the same thoughts.
I did not want this man to feel like he had controlled me....that he had provoked such a tsunami of feelings.
I wanted my letter to him to be measured and controlled, I felt that this kind of approach would(if he has any finer feelings) pain him more.
I also let him know that his opinion of me is none of my business....and that my self esteem does not hang on the hook that IS his opinion of me.
That what he feels about me or my actions(which I let him know I do not regret) is totally irrelevant to me.
In the end I signed off wishing him luck....and I told him that Karma would decide what kind of luck that would be.
Every word in it was true....and in his heart he knows this.
He has lost the best sister it is possible to have.
Now it is done....I feel released from my lead boots....I can soar again