This time last week she was still with us, but her grip on life was very loose.
I spent all of Saturday at A&E at RBH.
I was feeding on the hope that in spite of her age she maybe could weather surgery and rehab for a fractured hip....that was the daughter side of me.
The nurse side of me...the realist, the pragmatist was telling me that this was going to be the end for her...but daughter put her fingers in her ears and la-la-la-ed to drown out the sense that nurse was speaking.
It was something that I was too cowardly to face.
And yet the evidence was in front of me.
A frail and weary old bird...whose burden was far too much to bear.
Who wanted to slip quietly away with the minimum amount of fuss and nonsense(that would be how she would describe it).
She insisted I go home....nothing here for you to do, go and rest.
I had Ma's little dog to sort out too.
My brother Philip said he would have her short term. Though it was plain that he was not really too comfortable with this arrangement.
I think that this was because Roxy had been VERY protective of Ma...especially where men were concerned...and when philip went up over Christmas, she had tried to bite his ankles and ripped a hole in the new wellibobs that Santa had brought him.
He saw her as a rotty in a chihuahuas body.
He expected to have problems with her.
Another huge fly in the ointment was my other half...himself had poked his neb where it was not needed and told Philip that he was as useless as a knitted condom, as a son...that he could have done more to help...he could have been there for her more than he had been.
I needed this conflict like I needed a hole in my head.
Why is it that in times of crisis, families often pull in opposite directions...that they bicker and fall out??
I really don't know.
I told my brother that Himselfs opinion was not mine...that over the years, I had asked for, nor needed any help with care for Mum...but at a time when I was really up against it he had taken the huff...not because of me, but because of himself...he was now saying that he would not take the little dog.
I told Philip that he was not doing this for me...or for my other half...he was doing it to help his mum.
He went off the phone.
I rang my husband and told him in no uncertain terms that he had done me no favours.That it was not his place to deliver a nasty serve to my brother and sister in law, I told him that I was close to the edge...and that what he had done had just pushed me that bit nearer and I really really did not need it....that when I got home we were going to have sharp words...then before he could get a word in edgewise I cut the connection.
My brother rang me back. He apologised for acting rashly and said of course he would take Roxy.
I heaved a huge sigh of relief and phoned my son in law to take me home.
Mum had heard much of this exchange in spite of me going out of the cubicle and lowering my voice.
She apologised for creating problems for me.
I told her not to worry as I was going to knock both of their heads together to see who got the biggest lump.
Philip took Roxy, he took her cage, her bed her toys and some freshly cooked chicken.
The girl settled in well with him and by the time my Mum left us, she had stolen his heart.
His daughter saw the little dog and decided that she would complete their family...so by Wednesday of this week Roxy had a new forever home....and my brother is pining for a pet he did not want to take.
When someone dies there are many many aspects that need to be sorted...this was only one of them.
Happily for me it turned out well.
I spent all of Saturday at A&E at RBH.
I was feeding on the hope that in spite of her age she maybe could weather surgery and rehab for a fractured hip....that was the daughter side of me.
The nurse side of me...the realist, the pragmatist was telling me that this was going to be the end for her...but daughter put her fingers in her ears and la-la-la-ed to drown out the sense that nurse was speaking.
It was something that I was too cowardly to face.
And yet the evidence was in front of me.
A frail and weary old bird...whose burden was far too much to bear.
Who wanted to slip quietly away with the minimum amount of fuss and nonsense(that would be how she would describe it).
She insisted I go home....nothing here for you to do, go and rest.
I had Ma's little dog to sort out too.
My brother Philip said he would have her short term. Though it was plain that he was not really too comfortable with this arrangement.
I think that this was because Roxy had been VERY protective of Ma...especially where men were concerned...and when philip went up over Christmas, she had tried to bite his ankles and ripped a hole in the new wellibobs that Santa had brought him.
He saw her as a rotty in a chihuahuas body.
He expected to have problems with her.
Another huge fly in the ointment was my other half...himself had poked his neb where it was not needed and told Philip that he was as useless as a knitted condom, as a son...that he could have done more to help...he could have been there for her more than he had been.
I needed this conflict like I needed a hole in my head.
Why is it that in times of crisis, families often pull in opposite directions...that they bicker and fall out??
I really don't know.
I told my brother that Himselfs opinion was not mine...that over the years, I had asked for, nor needed any help with care for Mum...but at a time when I was really up against it he had taken the huff...not because of me, but because of himself...he was now saying that he would not take the little dog.
I told Philip that he was not doing this for me...or for my other half...he was doing it to help his mum.
He went off the phone.
I rang my husband and told him in no uncertain terms that he had done me no favours.That it was not his place to deliver a nasty serve to my brother and sister in law, I told him that I was close to the edge...and that what he had done had just pushed me that bit nearer and I really really did not need it....that when I got home we were going to have sharp words...then before he could get a word in edgewise I cut the connection.
My brother rang me back. He apologised for acting rashly and said of course he would take Roxy.
I heaved a huge sigh of relief and phoned my son in law to take me home.
Mum had heard much of this exchange in spite of me going out of the cubicle and lowering my voice.
She apologised for creating problems for me.
I told her not to worry as I was going to knock both of their heads together to see who got the biggest lump.
Philip took Roxy, he took her cage, her bed her toys and some freshly cooked chicken.
The girl settled in well with him and by the time my Mum left us, she had stolen his heart.
His daughter saw the little dog and decided that she would complete their family...so by Wednesday of this week Roxy had a new forever home....and my brother is pining for a pet he did not want to take.
When someone dies there are many many aspects that need to be sorted...this was only one of them.
Happily for me it turned out well.
