tips about cats
- Thread starter Alec_Ish
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- hints and tips
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eat them!
eat them!
How to give your cat a pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth rub throat of cat to encourage swallowing.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call wife from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get wife to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get wife to lie on cat with its head just visible from below wife's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to wife's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's garden shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a glass of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get wife to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for session with Psychiatrist for even daring to think about giving your cat a pill!
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth rub throat of cat to encourage swallowing.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call wife from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get wife to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get wife to lie on cat with its head just visible from below wife's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to wife's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's garden shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a glass of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get wife to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for session with Psychiatrist for even daring to think about giving your cat a pill!
Loved that Yerself, LOL ..even with the aid of my nurse daughter, was always a traumatic time .. 'course those powder ones you put on their food never, ever work as you can't explain to them that they won't get anymore food until they eat the doctored platter, think my last cat would have starved first.
.. (or rather paw) to me I guess.
.. (or rather paw) to me I guess.
I wonder if my cat loving daughter would appreciate yerselfs humour or wether she would want to land a kick. I like it though as I have never come accross a co-operative moggy as it must be against their nature. They like to think they are boss and are more than willing to show it as scratchings in the past will testify to.
Think you over-reacting here Spuggie on behalf of defending your daughter's love of cats. Yerself just exaggerated a true situation with a great sense of humour attached to it. Didn't mean he deserved a kick for this ... obviously he has a great affection for them if you bother to read between the lines.
katex said:
I think the little furry fiend is sniggering when I am around and thinking "I am ready for you my claws have been sharpened and so have my teeth. Bring it on boyo and see what you get." When its in that mood I avoid it like I would avoid a doctors syringe.
I love cats.
I also love cat jokes. A cat loving friend and I are always swapping cat jokes with each other. I see so many of the characteristics in our Bracken.
The new addition to our family, Furby, has a personality which is totally different and equally amusing. Whilst Bracken adopts the air of "superior cat" and acts as if she is very much in charge of the house, dishing out orders to her humans, Furby is the totally insane kitten running riot all over the place, demolishing Christmas decorations and playing football with the baubles. Bracken looks on with an air of disdain, until she thinks no-one is watching and then she has a quick game of tug the tinsel or bat the tree.
I got a great joke the other week about how to wash a cat but I'd better not post it for fear of offending someone.
Cats were once worshipped as gods by the ancient Egyptians. Cats have never forgotten this.
I also love cat jokes. A cat loving friend and I are always swapping cat jokes with each other. I see so many of the characteristics in our Bracken.
The new addition to our family, Furby, has a personality which is totally different and equally amusing. Whilst Bracken adopts the air of "superior cat" and acts as if she is very much in charge of the house, dishing out orders to her humans, Furby is the totally insane kitten running riot all over the place, demolishing Christmas decorations and playing football with the baubles. Bracken looks on with an air of disdain, until she thinks no-one is watching and then she has a quick game of tug the tinsel or bat the tree.
I got a great joke the other week about how to wash a cat but I'd better not post it for fear of offending someone.
Cats were once worshipped as gods by the ancient Egyptians. Cats have never forgotten this.
