Now, unless you're some kind of troglodyte Neanderthal, I'm pretty sure you were aware that Friday just was the 14th Feb, or in the parlance "Valentines Day". That said, my having a strong sense of self preservation & all that (like most blokes with any sense & desire for an easy life) will have committed this date to memory & hot wired it into the "High risk & bad times ahead if forgotten" section of my inefficient brain, along with Wedding anniversary & Wifeys Birthday dates! 
This mechanism goes even further back than Darwin & his survival of the fittest thinkings & is all part of an even older evolutionary survival skill, probably learnt while we were still swilling around in mud puddles as proto-amphibians, debating the merits of growing legs to climb out of our very own gunk pond!
Having finally decided it was the better option,(although some would dispute this logic, for some reason students & teenagers spring to mind) so our problems multiplied it seems, leading us to the present day & dates & all the associated shenanigans it conjures up.
Let us assume we take our Ladies at their word when they say "No that's fine Schatz, we won't bother, there's no need!". Now whether referring to a Birthday/Anniversary/ Valentines/Crimbo don't, just don't believe it! When they say this there's a certain inflection, certain "spill words" that aren't spoken but are most definitely inferred, which if you're daft enough to ignore ..... well just don't right! Unless you're prepared to fight the Dog for your dinner, that's assuming it's actually cooked for you & If you want to have clean clobber you'd best start reading the destruction book for that big white swirly washy thing out the back! As to any thoughts of jiggy-jig in any way shape or form .... well you know these studies that tell you it's equal to a brisk jog & all that, well you'd best get used to wearing your stinky trainers .... quite a lot!
Anyways, being the smartarse that I am & due to years of conditioning with hot tongue, cold shoulder, fighting with the Hound & looking like some kind of tramp often seen on a brisk jog! So on Thursday evening I could be found mooching furtively through the supermarket along with other hunted & harried fellows, cluthching various shapes & sizes of boxes of Chokkies, pralines, hearts & flowers, not forgetting a card. All identifiable by the same sort of resigned look you expect from fellow martyrs, the nod, raised eyebrow or the ubiquitous "What can you do" type shrug shared while standing in a queue of blokes. A sort of lavvy solemnity, no need for comment & you most definitely don't cast covetous eyes over the other chaps goods, you just accept things as they are, what you've got in your hands is it & it's what she's getting, quality over quantity I say & anyway my box of chokkies has got a higher cocoa content than yours so there!
So as us old timers stood resigned waiting to pay, we allowed ourselves a somewhat smug self satisfied grin as we watched the antics of our younger less experienced brethren. Running hither & yon, picking up putting down comparing, panicking, re-choosing, heading to the till then panicking again & starting the process anew..... ah, the simple pleasure of someone elses misfortune.
But even this little ray of sunshine was slightly marred by the fact of other young lads simply queuing up with a couple of cases of Ale, bags of nibbles & talking about the Footy, DVD, X-box/play station game they were going to smash at the week-end, looking us "Old Married blokes" over & giving us that grin only young cocky bucks can attain, ah well, one day they'll be where we are. (I hope! The barfturds! )
So it was that on Friday morning before disappearing off to work, the chokkies, flowers & card were all neatly arrayed on the table so the "light of my life" would be suitably impressed with my foresight & loving gesture.
Tea was already safe as a promise of a sit down Chinky with a knife & fork had already been suggested & accepted (unlucky hound, it's doggy biks for you) yours truly had played his get out of jail cards marvellously & here I am, well smug & recounting my tale. And what did I get from all this? Nothing, zilch, zero, nada, nix! 
That is if I was expecting something so crass as materialistic goods, but what I did get was something far better, peace & tranquillity, no sulks or tantrums, black looks or hinted at dire retribution & some meagre credit to cash in on a future ocassion when it looks as though my arse may end up in a sling. (Of course it won't be through any fault of mine I hasten to add ) So all in all, not a bad result, one hurdle down several to go! 2014 bring it on!
And the moral of the story, always learn by your mistakes, it makes life so much easier!
So on that note, I'll quit while I'm ahead, take care all & look after yourselves.
Thanks for reading folks .....
Pics:- Get out of jail kit
This mechanism goes even further back than Darwin & his survival of the fittest thinkings & is all part of an even older evolutionary survival skill, probably learnt while we were still swilling around in mud puddles as proto-amphibians, debating the merits of growing legs to climb out of our very own gunk pond!
Having finally decided it was the better option,(although some would dispute this logic, for some reason students & teenagers spring to mind) so our problems multiplied it seems, leading us to the present day & dates & all the associated shenanigans it conjures up.Let us assume we take our Ladies at their word when they say "No that's fine Schatz, we won't bother, there's no need!". Now whether referring to a Birthday/Anniversary/ Valentines/Crimbo don't, just don't believe it! When they say this there's a certain inflection, certain "spill words" that aren't spoken but are most definitely inferred, which if you're daft enough to ignore ..... well just don't right! Unless you're prepared to fight the Dog for your dinner, that's assuming it's actually cooked for you & If you want to have clean clobber you'd best start reading the destruction book for that big white swirly washy thing out the back!
As to any thoughts of jiggy-jig in any way shape or form .... well you know these studies that tell you it's equal to a brisk jog & all that, well you'd best get used to wearing your stinky trainers .... quite a lot! Anyways, being the smartarse that I am & due to years of conditioning with hot tongue, cold shoulder, fighting with the Hound & looking like some kind of tramp often seen on a brisk jog! So on Thursday evening I could be found mooching furtively through the supermarket along with other hunted & harried fellows, cluthching various shapes & sizes of boxes of Chokkies, pralines, hearts & flowers, not forgetting a card. All identifiable by the same sort of resigned look you expect from fellow martyrs, the nod, raised eyebrow or the ubiquitous "What can you do" type shrug shared while standing in a queue of blokes. A sort of lavvy solemnity, no need for comment & you most definitely don't cast covetous eyes over the other chaps goods, you just accept things as they are, what you've got in your hands is it & it's what she's getting, quality over quantity I say & anyway my box of chokkies has got a higher cocoa content than yours so there!
So as us old timers stood resigned waiting to pay, we allowed ourselves a somewhat smug self satisfied grin as we watched the antics of our younger less experienced brethren. Running hither & yon, picking up putting down comparing, panicking, re-choosing, heading to the till then panicking again & starting the process anew..... ah, the simple pleasure of someone elses misfortune.
But even this little ray of sunshine was slightly marred by the fact of other young lads simply queuing up with a couple of cases of Ale, bags of nibbles & talking about the Footy, DVD, X-box/play station game they were going to smash at the week-end, looking us "Old Married blokes" over & giving us that grin only young cocky bucks can attain, ah well, one day they'll be where we are. (I hope! The barfturds! )So it was that on Friday morning before disappearing off to work, the chokkies, flowers & card were all neatly arrayed on the table so the "light of my life" would be suitably impressed with my foresight & loving gesture.
Tea was already safe as a promise of a sit down Chinky with a knife & fork had already been suggested & accepted (unlucky hound, it's doggy biks for you) yours truly had played his get out of jail cards marvellously & here I am, well smug & recounting my tale. And what did I get from all this? Nothing, zilch, zero, nada, nix! That is if I was expecting something so crass as materialistic goods, but what I did get was something far better, peace & tranquillity, no sulks or tantrums, black looks or hinted at dire retribution & some meagre credit to cash in on a future ocassion when it looks as though my arse may end up in a sling. (Of course it won't be through any fault of mine I hasten to add ) So all in all, not a bad result, one hurdle down several to go! 2014 bring it on!And the moral of the story, always learn by your mistakes, it makes life so much easier!
So on that note, I'll quit while I'm ahead, take care all & look after yourselves.Thanks for reading folks .....
Pics:- Get out of jail kit
