[Acrylic-bob]

It seems that those woefully inept but generally nice sorts; The Hynburn Community Safety Partnership, have been flexing their underdeveloped muscles again.

They have announced that, after considering the findings of last year's Audit of Crime and Disorder, and having wheighed the pro's and con's through many difficult and expensive partnership bonding sessions, they have come up with a three year action plan to make the borough a safer, nicer, more crime free place to live and work.

Doesn't that just make the cockles of your heart glow? It does mine, at least I think that's what it is, it could of course just be indigestion!

Apparently, their strategy document highlights a number of crime and anti-social behaviour issues within the borough that the partnership would be able to concentrate on.

The aims are to:

Reduce Crime across the borough, especially criminal damage, house burglary, vehicle crime and violent crime.

Errrm, hold on a moment! I recall only a couple of month's ago that Inspector Julian Platt of Accrington Police was quoted in the Observer as saying that such Crimes were already under control and were decreasing. Who are we to believe, the Partnership or the Police?

Reassure the public and reduce the fear of crime and anti-social behaviour, especially nuisance behaviour, dog fouling, litter and vandalism.

Personally I think this part of the strategy is heartily to be welcomed, since I live in fear and dread of someone allowing their dog to poo on the pavement or chuck macdonalds cartons in the street. I can't sleep at night for worrying about it. My hair is going grey and I am loosing weight!

Target and address issues in relation to prolific and other priority offenders.

Errrrmmmm, run that by me again???????

Reduce the harm caused by drug and alcohol misuse.

I take drugs to block out the awfulness of my life, I also drink for the same reason, does this mean that I am misusing these substances? And, if I am, what is the correct use for them?

Improve Partnership Development and increase voluntary and community engagement.

Hmmmm. I was always under the impression that "partners" were supposed to work together anyway, otherwise they were not partners. Voluntary and community engagement, with what or with whom is not specified.

Improve home security for victims of burglary and domestic violence.

Which used to be known as locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Improving the use of Anti Social Behaviour Orders.

Which would imply either that the Police are not are not handing enough of them out or that the ones they do hand out do not work - which is it?

And Finally... Using CCTV to tackle persistant dog fouling, criminal damage and other forms of anti-social naughtiness.

Apparently every dog in the borough is to be fitted with a cctv camera and it's bowel movements are to be recorded and matched with digital records of poo in inappropriate places. These are then to be placed before a Magistrate who will then slap an ASBO on the culpable canine, tickle it behind the ear, call it a naughty boy and then go up the park for a game of catch the stick.

I'll bet Doug and Sandra Hayes are fuming at being upstaged like this!