[WillowTheWhisp]

Right. I'm a large, overweight, on the big side, plump, podgy, rotund or whatever you want to call me, fat person.

In spite of that my size tends to vary a bit (or sometimes more than a bit) what with my water retention problem and the never ending battle to try to lose weight, which may at last have spotted a faint light at the end of a very long tunnel but that's another story. So my waist measurement is not a static one.

I like to wear clothes. It beats being starkers, especially when starkers and my size is not a pretty sight. So when I need to buy something new what do I do? Do I head for New Look or Dorothy Perkins? Well, no, not unless I'm accompanied by one of my daughters who is expecting me to buy something for her I don't. I make a bee-line for Evans. You know - the shop which caters for the larger sized female.

Humph! is my reaction to the current offerings.

Humph! I say again.

Why do I say humph you may ask yourself.

Well, I could have done with something like a pair of stretchy jeans with an elasticated waist for mucking about in when up at t'caravan. I've had them before from Evans and currently have a very comfy pair but sadly they are wearing out and I could do with some more. Do they have any? Do they billy thump! They have fitted jeans in rigid sizes which are either too tight and I feel like I'm cutting my circulation off or so loose around the waist that one step forward and they fall down round my ankles! "What happened to the ones with little elasticated sides?" I ask the waif like sales assistant. "Not fashionable." is her response. Fashionable? Fashionable? When you're my size you don't look for fashionable you look for wearable!

OK, so moving on I abandon those and settle for combats with a tie string waist, at least those will stop up. Now, how about a t-shirt or two or a nice tunic top - something which comes down over the hips and covers all the unsightly bulges created by tieing up my middle like a sack of spuds? Nope, they are all short, not only short in the body but very short in the arm. Now us fatties do not tend to have pretty upper arms. Believe me you really don't want to see my upper arms flapping about when I wave to someone. You would much rather have them discretely covered to just above the elbow. Lower arms, well they look more or less human but the upper arms are best kept well out of sight. So why oh why don't they have longer length sleeves instead of these things that barely cap the shoulder? You guessed it - FASHION!

So, what have they got in a longer length top? Well they've got this latest trendy fashionable design which is a larger sized version of the ones my 16 year old skinny daughter looks terrific in - draped over a bosom the size of mine the thing balloons out and I look about 8 months pregnant!!!

Who designed this latest range I ask myself? Do they actually manage to sell many? What happened to the stuff that actually looks good on fat people?

Ah! I geddit. It's all a cunning plan. Now I can no longer buy decent clothes at Evans I'm going to have to lose weight!