TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Right as the title says it's time to confess, that something you did or said that you have never told about. It can be funny , serious, confessional whatever but everyone has something to confess so lets have a bumper thread and a dam good laugh eh. I WILL START WITH SOMETHING I'M NOT PROUD OF BUT HAVE LAUGHED ABOUT IT.................
Picture the scene,. A few days earlier I had just taken delivery of my first new Mercedes. I was driving towards Blackpool on the M55, and overtaking a lorry at about 65mph. Suddenly whilst I was still alongside the lorry the driver started to wander into my lane, forcing me to mount the central reservation to avoid a collision. I WAS MAD. Various signs and gesticulations took place and I managed to get past the lorry . The driver was also gesticulating and flashing his lights. We were coming close to a turn off so I signalled to the driver to pull off the motorway and we will sort this out. Surprisingly he duly followed me up the slip road and we stopped on a hotel forecourt. We were both very soon out of our respective vehicles. " What the hell are you playing at you P----ck you nearly caused a seroious accident". The driver was very annoyed and quick to reply, "JUST BECAUSE YOU DRIVE A MERCEDES YOU THINK YOU OWN THE F-------G ROAD." My back was now up and I was feeling nasty....."I don't own the road at all but I have a right to drive on it without idiots like you almost running me off it." He quickly replied."I've met people like you beforeand you think you own the road". " I DON'T OWN THE ROAD I SAID BUT CAN I ASK YOU WHO OWNS THAT LORRY YOUR DRIVING?. The lorry was not lettered or anything to state an owner. " I don't know said the driver I just drive." "WEL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING DRIVER, I OWN THAT WAGON SO YOU CHOSE THE WRONG ONE TO TRY TO RUN OFF THE ROAD AND CERTAINLY THE WRONG ONE TO ARGUE WITH, SO GET BACK INTO THE CAB, TAKE THE LORRY BACK TO THE DEPOT AND PICK UP YOUR CARDS AND NOW"
" Oh there is no need to take it that far said the driver, I have a wife and kids to support". "YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT EARLIER WHEN YOU WERE DRIVING LIKE AN IDIOT" " I'M SORRY SAID THE DRIVER BUT PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME I LEARNED MY LESSON" Too late I told him "Back to the depot and pick up your cards"
With that I got back into my car and left the driver as sick as a parrot by the roadside. Within a minute he was in his cab and heading back down the M55 from wence he came obviously working out how to tell his transport manager that he had been sacked. I bet he scanned the country for my car after that, but I would love to have been a fly on the wall in the transport manager's office.
YOUR TURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

OooooH I can't.......it is a really irreverent thing that I did !

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Get on with it we won't tell.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

And I got talked into it by a man who was training to be a man of the cloth!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

You started so you can finish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Come on margaret are you writing the NEW NEW TESTAMENT!!!!!!!!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Oh well, pull up a chair this is going to be a long one!
In 1977 just before I took my nursing finals I was allocated to Medical nights.
We had a new auxiliary nurse just started on nights. She had done a month on day duty just to acquaint her with what was what.
This particular night we had a man who had been very poorly, die on us. He was in the side ward on Ward 7 at BRI. When someone died we always used to leave them for at least an hour before laying them out. I sent the auxiliary for her evening meal.
The charge Nurse who was on for the medical unit came to see what was happening just after the auxiliary had gone on her meal break. I told him that we had a man to be laid out, and that when the new Auxiliary came back from her meal break we would do it then. He knew that the auxiliary was inexperienced and said we could have a bit of fun with her. This charge nurse only worked at University holidays because he was training to be a vicar. Anyway to cut a very long story a bit shorter he talked me into laying the man out........and when this was done he rang for the porters to take his body to the mortuary. Then we stripped the bed and just put a bottom sheet and a top sheet on. The charge nurse got under the sheet and lay very still.
When the auxilliary came back from her break I asked her to get the back trolley ready to lay the body out......I asked her if she knew how to do this and she said she did.
I went off to get a shroud and the paper work, while she went to get the back trolley.
We arrived back at the room together and she went in first pushing the back trolley.
The room was in darkness I went in and just put the light on over the bed......the auxiliary was pouring water into the bowl to wash the body when the charge nurse sat up and groaned. Well, the auxiliary leaped OVER the trolley and ran out of the room onto the male side of the ward screaming and peeing.......all the men were wakened up and we had to break out the medicinal brandy to revive the poor auxiliary. We had to make tea and biscuits for all the patients......and we had to plead with the auxiliary not to report us for what we had done. I could see myself being struck off before I even qualified.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Gave myself loads of extra work that night I did......all the men wanted to know what had happened and I told them that the new auxiliary hadn't seen a dead person before.

I am ashamed of myself......but I didn't learn my lesson.......I did more naughty things..... but you'll have to buy my book to find out about those.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Sorry about the delay.....the baby woke up and I had to go and placate him!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

See......you are all disgusted with me now......boo hooo!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

I'm sure worse things happenned in the hospital I could tell you a few myself having been married to a nurse for 37 years. WELL YOU BU--ER.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Always was! always will be!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

You and me too, hope that wagon driver aint on accyweb.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

So, a local jazz pianist I knew had just started work at this club in Southport where I lived at the time. I would be in my mid to late twenties and I decided to go along and listen to him. I was out early and arrived at the club around 8:30 pm. The only people in the place were the guy on the door, a rather attractive barmaid and the owner of the club talking to a booze rep. I ordered a drink from the barmaid and she was very friendly and chatty. I asked what time the music started and she said not until 10 pm. I didn't fancy sitting there by myself for over an hour so I asked her if I went out to the pub for an hour would I have to pay again on the door when I returned. She told me no I would get in OK without paying. "How will the doorman know" I asked. "Oh, don't worry" she said, "I'll remember YOU" Emphasis on the 'YOU'. Looks promising I thought, so, off I went and returned to the club 10 minutes before the music was due to start. The doorman tried to charge me again so I told him the story and he called over to the barmaid who told him to let me in. I'd just made it to the bar, when the pianist, with whom I was well acquainted, arrived and came up to me and started chatting. I asked him what he was drinking and ordered both of us a drink. When the barmaid gave me my change there was a key in amongst it. Well, my head must have swelled visibly. I felt like James Bond. Nothing like that had ever happened to ugly little me before (or since for that matter). I had a couple of sips of my drink while she was serving other people and then I was just about to give her a knowing smile and ask her which door the key fitted when the pianist leaned over the bar and said, "Have you got the key to the piano love?" "I gave it to 'im" she replied, pointing dismissively at me. I had to make a big show of pretending to look in my pocket and 'discover' the key. Bloody 'ell, what a letdown. Head, along with everything else, shrinking back to normal size!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Thats tough John bet you hate barmaids now eh! Order me a 7and7 for when i'm out their in may.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Aaaaaah John, I hope the music made up for the let down!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Will do fireman.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

The music was great Margaret.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

l rated my own journal last night and gave it top marks! l was going to do it to someone elses but l sort of got mixed up, and then had to give everyone else a mark so they were all equal again.
In my defence l haven't slept in 48 hours and feel a bit spaced out. But l've been racked with guilt and thought the moderator's could see what l'd done, and think me a right conceited idiot.
Thank you for letting me unburden myself, l'm off to walk to Canterbury on my knees now as recompence.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

thats a great story, ihave tears in my eyes with laughing ..

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

No need for recompence Garinda we all accept your confession. just don't do it again.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

It was many years ago that I used to work with a young man who was a lay preacher. It was just after the days of National Service and such were his beliefs that he, as a conscientious objector, had done his service in the local hospital, doing the most menial jobs. He would never buy a raffle ticket for a good cause because he disapproved of gambling, though he would always make a donation. Above all, he would not touch alcohol. He had signed "The Pledge".

One Friday we had an office trip to Blackpool. We hired a coach and had the afternoon on the Golden Mile, followed by an evening in the Tower ballroom then through the illuminations before heading back home.

We all congregated at the bar in the tower and someone, I swear it wasn't me, persuaded him to have a cider and assured him it was non-alcoholic (it was and it was strong stuff). He tried one and he loved it. I was guilty of persuading him to have another, and another, and - well, I think he had 6 all together. When he made a show of himself on the dance floor I thought it was hilarious. When he was sick in the coach park I told him it was the fish and chips he'd eaten earlier. When he fell into a deep, snoring sleep on the coach I laughed as much as anyone.

On the following Monday he came to work and thanked everyone for a fantastic night out and said it just showed you could have a good time without getting drunk.

I have felt guilty ever since.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

It was probably the best night he ever had bet he never ate fish and chips again though.haha

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

i once got locked in my friends bedsit and had to use his flask to pee in as i couldnt get out the room to use the toilet situated upstairs

months later we went camping and at the last minuite before setting off he hollard quick get the flask and make some coffee while i finish packing the car

it was a rush job and the pee was still in the flask so i quickly emptied the contents of the flask down the sink and chucked in a few spoons of coffe and some boiling water

later that day in camp i sat by sipping my can of coke watching my 2 friends and our girlfriends enjoy their loverly cup of cofee

it would have remained a secret amongst us to this day but when splitting up with that particular girlfriend i pointed out that she had drank my urine as i was loosing the argument lol.

another time some idiot abandoned their car in our parking space and no one went near it for 6 weeks so we tried the door and it was open and found a spare key then took it to the scrap yard and had a night out on the beer with what we got for it

a few days later we were driving towards clayton and saw some realy upset looking guy towing the car back towards accy lol

edit:

would like to add the car was in bad shape and 6 months out of tax so after 6 weeks we assumed it had been abandoned but it turned out it was a tax dodger so in a way he paid a tax getting his car back from the scrappers lol

the police didnt want to know about it when we rang so we took matters into our own hands you could say lol

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

I do have a confession, but it is already in the Anything Goes section, so just bear with me as I will go and find it. It will be quicker to cut and paste...

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

On my way to work one morning, a few years ago, I phoned my hubby (now ex) and asked him to take the chops out of the freezer to defrost for tea. When I got home the empty packet was sat on the sink draining board, and the cat looked slightly sheepish. I eventually found the chops buried in the cat litter tray. So I swilled them under the tap and cooked them. He came in from playing footie, absolutely drunk out of his mind and demanding his tea, which I duly served up with a smile on my face. I had made myself chicken and eaten it before he came home.:D

He was also the recipient of one of my extra special dog food sarnies. Again coming home drunk from footy the typical slurring 'where's my tea?' demand. So I made him a chum sandwich with salad on it. It must have been good because he asked for another one..:)

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Excellent post westender, realy made me giggle. lol

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

LETTIE your an evil woman hope I never get on the wrong side of you. You musr recite all the posts on Accy Web 3 times and feed the dog a steak...........

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

The confession l'll only come out with when l'm really, really drunk, involves a French Farmer, and a bedroom window, and could have led to me being imprisoned in a French jail.
Not teasing you, l'll probably spill the beans at The Stag, Easter Saturday, but l'm too ashamed to commit it to print.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

My dear you should print it. Confession is good for the soul...... PLUS WE CAN GIVE YOU SOME STICK ON EASTER SATURDAY WHEN WE HAVE ALL READ IT .....

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Did I say STICK I meant constructive criticism.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

l bet you'll want to keep your stick to yourself when you eventually meet me!:)

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

And I've Just Found Out Why Thanks To Our Moderators Cheers!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Okay, I will tell my awful tale ....

Some years ago, I had a bijou flingette with a chap in the Navy (well, they do say all the nice girls ...), whom I met on a course at York. He was based in Plymouth, and when he came to leave his ship, his men gave a party for him at a pub in Devonport, to which I was invited. We had been invited to spend the night with a friend of his and his girlfriend. The drink flowed copiously, sailors being what they are.

During the night, I got up to go to the loo. Never having been in this flat before, which had a very complicated layout, I wandered around, desperate to find the bathroom. I wandered into a couple of cupboards, round and about. Finally, in absolute desperation, I pee'd in the fishtank! - the owners pride and joy! Next morning, made my excuses, hared back to London, and have never dared ask what happened to the fish!

There you are - I've NEVER told anybody that before (not even my sailor)! It must be something about Accyweb ....

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Pendy you may never eat fish again, and you must apologie to every fish you see. DEAD OR ALIVE.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Having met Pendy, l was expecting something far worse!
Pendy, a houseful of boozed up sailors, l think the fish got off lightly! :)

But it's a great thread, l've been howling.

Fireman you missed your way, you would have been a great priest!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Look, Garinda, that is only ONE thing I've owned up to ..... the skeletons in the closet are so closely packed, they don't even rattle anymore!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Come on pendy spill the bones, I mean the beans.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Not deliberate, but I have from time to time suffered from pedobuccal syndrome (i.e. foot in mouth).

First time, aged about 12, I said loudly to a friend's ma at Prize Night "Oh, Hello, Mrs H - I didn't recognise you, didn't you have grey hair last time I saw you?".

Also old school reunion, I remarked on one of those gushing In Memoriams in the Observer, the sickly sentimental ones, and said how abysmal it was. Old school friend remarked "That was my father in law - we put it in".

Ooops!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Pendy, the fishtank thing is ok, I was expecting far worse. I will, however, confess to just one more. This may be the worst thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't bet on it...:D Here goes......

Several years ago when I was married. My hubby had gone to yet another all night party and left me indoors. Getting a bit brassed off with his gallivanting and refusal to ever tell me where he'd been (and realising that my culinary revenge wasn't exactly killing him off) I decided to hit him where it would hurt. He was very particular about his appearance and loved expensive aftershaves etc, he used to marinade in them. He had some Ralph Lauren Polo in a green bottle up in our bedroom. While he was out, I took a large syringe from my work bag and syphoned off half of the aftershave which I squirted down the loo. I replaced the missing aftershave with urine!!!!!!!!!!!!:o A couple of weeks later we split up and I sent him back to his mother's house. I never confessed to my ex hubby what I had done, but over the years we have become friends. I met up with him while shopping about 18 months ago, so we had a brew and a catch up. I finally coughed to what I had done to his aftershave. He was cringing as he had used the full bottle after we split. He did see the funny side though...:D

All I can do now is beg forgiveness from my fellow sinners and pray to be absolved due to diminished responsibility.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Lol, fab.
you're sprinkled with holy water [not by Ralph Lauren,] and absolved,

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Well I'm a very clean cut person!;) and working for LCC for many years,I've never done anything that needs confessing to!;) all I can say is that what people don't know won't hurt them! Sorry folks that's all yer getting!:)

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

lol...its ok i too am pure as snow!!!! although there may be a couple of footprints on me now!!!lol

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Most of my secrets are either extremely embarrassing or illegal, so on that note I shall be keeping my mouth well and truly closed. Of course if anyone wants to ply me with drink and try and prise them out of me, you are all welcome to go ahead and do so.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Quite a few years ago my friend was really mad at her husband, he didn't home to eat and she suspected he was out drinking. We were going out somewhere and drove by the bar that he frequented and sure enough there was his truck. We both knew when this man went drinking he wouldn't be going home util he was legless. My friend asked me to stop and I did. She got in the truck and drove it further back down the road, really further back down the road it must have been almost half a mile. I as the dutiful friend I followed to pick her up.

A couple of days later I was mortified when he told me what had happened and confided in me that he was so drunk he couldn't find his truck, he had wandered around for several hours, he was picked up by the police and spent a few hours in jail sleeping it off, then another few hours looking for his truck. He had not got home until until around 9am the next morning. He told his wife he had pulled an emergancy double shift at work.

He asked me not to tell his wife as she would be furious. I still feel bad about my part in the scheem but even worse at the laughter my friend and I have shared since then.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

He asked me not to tell his wife as she would be furious. I still feel bad about my part in the scheem but even worse at the laughter my friend and I have shared since then.[/QUOTE]
lmao!!! when will men learn not to lie to us eh??!!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Would we ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

One more thing I should confess, perhaps not as bad as when I got the lay preacher legless but, well, a bit mean.

My late husband snored and I'm a light sleeper. My trick was to gently push him over on to his side to stop the snoring. One night I was wakened by the usual rumbling so I duly gave him a light shove on to his right side. What I didn't realise was that he was so close to the edge of the bed. He disappeared, completely horizontal, on to the floor with a loud crash. He didn't move or make a sound and I thought, "Oh God, I've killed him." Then, after about 30 seconds, he slowly sat up and said, "What the hell happened?" I'm ashamed to say I pretended to be fast asleep and when he told me, next morning, he had fallen out of bed I said, with all the pretend innocence I could manage, "Did you?"

I never did tell him the truth. :o

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Whoever said their were no secrets in a marriage?

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Ionce saw a car advertised in the local paper that I fancied.I went to see it and negotiated on the price on the grounds that I only needed it for a few weeks whilst my car was repaired following an accident. I screwed the price well down and the seller was a trelly nice man. I paid him a deposite and agreed to pay the balance in full the day after when I collected the car. When I got home I realized I had made a bad mistake, I could not really afford the car, it was totally unsuitable for my needs and I wanted my "non returnable" deposit back. I thought for a few hours and then asked a freiend and neighbour if he would go and see the man and explain that on my way home from buying the car I was run down by a car and it would appear that I had a broken leg. I asked him to give my most sncere apologis But by the time the pot was off my leg my own car would be ready, and therefore can I have my deposit back. The man was really nice and agreed right away that I could have my money back even better he would leave it a while and bring it to my home personally to see how I was. This was a problem as my friend agreed and arranged that the man give me a couple of hours. I was frantic. At the time we were decorating at home and I was putting polystyrene coving up. I decided to put 2 lengths of coving up my trousers and a sock over my foot and appear to be in pain with my foot up on a stool when he came. Right on time he arrived my wife let him in and then ran upstairs, "I swear I could hear her crying wth laughter in the bedroom" I got my money back and due to me being in so much pain the man did not stay long. However on leaving he said, "I'LL CALL AGAIN IN A WEEK OR TWO TO SEE HOW YOUR GETTING ON" Thankfully he never did. Every time I moved I could hear the polystyrene rustling and my wife howling in the bedroom . I am sorry.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Remember Mae West's line? -

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted .......

Am still trying to decide which bones or beans to spill!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Another time when I was very, very mad at hubby I made him a pie with PAL meaty chunks. I was on a late duty, so didn't have to eat it.......and when I got home it was all gone so it couldn't have tasted that bad. Now I just have to watch that he doesn't pee up against lamp posts!:D

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Ohh remind me never to cross Margaret :p

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Margaret can you put the recipe on the recipe thread for your pal pie (sounds good).

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

OK, another one .... but I don't altogether regret it. This was years ago, when we all used to congregate in the K-J coffee bar on the Boulevard in Blackburn. One of the guys always used to nick other people's coffee - just pick it up off the table and drink it. So .... I acquired some Senokot granules (a very effective laxative) and some Petrolagar (also v. effective laxative). Senokot is brown, petrolagar is white. Add a cupful of hot water, stir - and you have a very very very effective laxative - particularly in the dosage I used! In comes N, grabs enticing cup of coffee, swigs - no-one saw him for 3 days, and there was a rumour that his father was taking tenders to get a bog fitted to a Volvo! He never nicked a coffee again.

If you're out there, Nigel, sorry - but not too sorry!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Pendy you have been around a bit ain't that so?

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

They say confession is good for the soul -

When I was a student nurse, I was invited out to dinner by one of the consultants, aged 42, gorgeous, and very glamorous (sports car and flat in Manchester). I wanted to look my absolute best, so bought my first ever pair of false eyelashes. As I sat at the table, looking dewy-eyed and batting said eyelashes, one of the buggers fell off into my soup. I didn't think he'd noticed - so I ate it! - and later whipped to the loo to peel off the other one.

These days I have more aplomb - I would simply pick it out, say "Oh Dear Me" (or words to that effect) and dry it on my napkin.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Don't want anything like that in my soup when dereck and I come down to London to do your garden. X

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Fireman the recipe for pal pie is just a tin of pal meaty chunks.......a small onion diced a squirt of garlic paste and heap the lot into an oven proof dish and put a puff pastry top on it. I hope you aren't going to try this out on your lovely wife!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

I dare not I would probably nget a bo--ocking for not washing the oven proof dish. besides pal chunks are quite expensive now are they not x


"THERES A HOLE IN MY BUCKET"

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

I don't want you to be trying to get your own back for the telling off you got recently....which IMHO you did not deserve. Oh and pal meaty chunks are much cheaper than wild salmon.
And there is a way around the oven proof dish thing....use a tinfoil dish...same advice next time you cook salmon......line the grill pan with foil and throw it away.....Voila.....marital harmony!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Marital harmony is a complete contradiction in terms x

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

OK fireman......maybe I will re-phrase that......less marital disharmony!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Oh i know I'm going to regret this post but Slinky will only tell you what I did if I don't tell you myself :o


When i was about 7 year old we had two pet mice Mickey a black and white mouse and Minnie who was a white albino mouse. We weren't allowed to get the mice out of their cage unless one of our parents were there. Well........... one morning I got up very early with Slinky and whilst our parents were still in bed I decided to get the mice out. After playing with them for a few minutes Minnie bit me very hard on my finger so i bit it back on it's tail. The poor little thing died a few days later from an infection in it's tail from were i had bitten it, I only came clean about what I had done a couple of years ago!!!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

Peeing myself.
lt's a good job The Sun didn't get hold of the story, it would have made 'Freddie Starr ate my Hamster' look very tame!

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

This is another one of my sins......and again I am ashamed of myself......I'll never make a good buddhist. My daughter, who was about 5 at the time won a goldfish at the fair........we had to go and buy a bowl for it, and I could have spent the money on something more useful.......we had the fish for about 4 weeks and I was a bit fed up of it, so one night I put a bit of bleach into the water. Next morning goldfish was floating belly up. Never admitted to this until now. Flushed the dead thing down the toilet and told daughter I had buried it.

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

This is a confession my Mum made to me no one knows, [sorry Ma.]
At the time of the Coranation my Mum was 9, and poor as a Church mouse. In school assembly the Head asked if anyone was going to watch the event on television, still a rare thing then. A few little hands were raised, and to bolster her low self esteem my Mum raised her hand and said her Uncle was taking her to London, to watch the thing for real.
The day of pomp and pagentry was spent hiding in a hen house on said Uncle's pen, so as not to be seen to be a liar.
Luckily before returning to school she was able to watch the whole thing at the pictures. This enabled her to stand in front of the whole school, and give her talk on 'My day in London watching the Coronation.' When really like most kids then, a trip to Blackpool was as far as any of them ever dreamed of going.
Apparently her talk was really entertaining. l don't know who l take after:)

Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth).......
 

I do Garinda!!!!!!

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a healthy imagination and a flair for embellishment.

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lol. l'm just glad your Daughter entertained you more than the fish did!

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I'd never get away with it......besides she is bigger than me!

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Although I did once leave her outside the post office on Barnes Square......she was in her pram and I was in a hurry to get home.......I got nearly all the way home when I remembered that I had parked her outside the post office. She was still there, fast asleep when I got back. Must've been having a 'blonde' moment....with apologies to all the blondes on Accyweb.

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Mothers! It must have been in about 1947, mine released my brothers' new pet white mice (she couldn't stand them) into the fields behind our house. She told my brothers they had escaped. For years and years afterwards neighbours were reporting sightings of odd looking mice in the area. Mum never let on.

footnote: If you live in West End and there are still brown and white mice running around - you know who to blame.

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l lived up Stanhill in the late 60's/70's and can confirm we had mutant mice we thought were strange field mice every winter under the sink. They didn't travel that far in 20 years though did they?

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We had mice in a house we bought in Spencer Street My father in law, An old Ossy resident used to live in Dowrey Street He told me that the street was overun with mice so he used to take a cat in off the street for the night to clear the mice, Well after a few pints in the POP club one saturday night, off we went to Dowrey Street. The first cat we saw was duly abducted and taken home to Spencer Street. I was less than useless so I turfed it out to find it'own way home. I wandered up the street looking for a good mouser and soon found a mean looking cat sat on a wall. The minute I bent down to get it ,it lashed out with a well aimed set of claws and ropped my shirt to threads . We decided the mice were less dangerous.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hehehe, I have a teeny tiny work-related confession. In 1990 I was working as a staff nurse on nights at the Infirmary. I used to work on a surgical ward which was very busy with planned and emergency operations. One particular night I was on duty with a 2nd year student who was a bit of a pain (thought she knew it all) We had to go round all of the people for planned bowel surgery the following day and give them their bowel prep. There were 3 ways of doing this (depending on the severity of the op) The majority of our patients were having minor ops so we used to give them glycerin suppositories. The student had managed to get through her 1st year of training without ever giving a suppository, so with the help of a very kind male patient I arranged for her to give his suppositories......:evil: She came with me to a patient to observe how suppositories were given then declared herself ready to carry out the task. She went to my 'prepped' patient and he obligingly rolled over and let her get on with it under my supervision. Several minutes later some of our patients were clearly having excellent results from the glycerin and the student was helping them to the toilets. I gave my 'prepped' patient a swab with 2 melted glycerin suppositories in the middle of it (I'd been preparing them on the hot radiator in the sluice for an hour) Suddenly my partner in crime started to cough uncontrollably, he pressed his call bell for assistance. The student went running to his bedside to help him. When I got to the bedside, he was recovered and she was mortified. She handed me the swab with the 2 melted glycerins on it, and told me that this man had coughed them up!!!!!!!
I could barely keep a straight face when I told her that she must have pushed them up too far:D I did come clean later that night and suggested that if she had paid more attention when studying anatomy, she would have known that it is not physically possible to cough up the suppositories.. The good news was that she was a little less gung-ho after this lesson and has turned out to be an excellent nurse...:)

I think that I need to be forgiven for this one, as a good result was achieved in the end. I would also like to thank my partner in crime, who I cannot name for confidentiality reasons, but he reckoned he had the best stay in hospital ever!!!:D

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3 hail mary's Lettie and the next time you are constipated you must let nature take it's course with no outside help..........

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ok i admit it while on the site i dont wear clothes

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......apart from a big smile. :D

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Anything if it gets folk talkingX

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l'm off 4 a cold shower. Did u get to keep your helmet?

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Steady you I know something about you .

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did you ever read anne of green gables garinda.?now your mum sounds just like her !

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Excellent story lettie.:alright:

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l did, l also was inspired to dye my hair and it went green just like hers!
l'd have been better off reading my Dad's old books instead of my Ma's!

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One I'm not ashamed of, but it is a great story! - Some years back, I was at an OU summer school at York University. The last night disco does occasionally (only occasionally for those who have a partner doing a course!!) to the odd spot of hanky panky. For some people, the realisation that they are grown up, away from home, and have a room of their own, does strange things ......

However, one couple got together at the disco and spent the night in his room. Unfortunately, her husband rang up at about 2 a.m. because one of their children had tonsillitis. The porter couldn't find her (obviously) and told the husband so. He loaded the children into the car and drove through the night from the West Country to York. He turned up at breakfast, found his wife, and instead of doing the sensible thing and telling him she had passed out in a female friend's room, she coughed the lot!

SO .... breakfast in the Refectory, in comes this chap bare-footed, in judo stance, asking for Colin P.... Fortunately Colin was not there. One of the tutors engaged him in conversation (with difficulty!) while some of us hared off to find Colin. Colin found, loaded in back of car with blanket over head, and driven off campus. Husband next seen haranguing the chambermaids, saying that he wanted the sheets as evidence!

We did think about having T-shirts printed for the following year - "I saved Colin P's life"......

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You ought to be ashamed of yourself what are our universities coming too. Its just sex drink and drugs at the expence of the tax payer. Things have changed... DAM BLAST BU--ER DAM HELL DAM!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh sorry.

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Ah, but Fireman, this was NOT at the expense of the taxpayer. This was an Open University Summer School - the poor s**s pay for themselves! - mind you, I think a lot of them think it is worth it, and not just for the academic achievement!

One year at York, some sadist organised a four legged race. This is a variation on the classic three legged race, except that you tie THREE people together at the knee and ankle. In this condition you have to make it round the campus, drink a pint in each of three college bars, and first back wins. Oh, it also includes negotiating the stepping stones across the lake. I ended up in the middle (of course). Not liking the look of the string/cord they were using, I volunteered several nylon stockings. SO - there I am, tied between two strapping hulks, charging round the campus, across the stepping stones, into the bars, slurp, out again, etc. All goes reasonably well until Martin, on my right, decides he wants a pee. A bit difficult to accomplish, but we managed.

We didn't win, but got an honourable mention. HOWEVER, what I had forgotten was how easily I bruise. I got home three days later, with purple welts around my knees and ankles. Husband said "My God, whatever happened to you?".

The explanation started with "Well, I spent the evening tied to these two men ......."

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I had to lecture for 3 days at Birmingham University the free bars were nearly the end of me.

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FREE BARS? I might even go to Birmingham for that! Cheap, I grant you, but never had a free bar .....

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I think it was staff only but it was good I was just their as a visiting lecturer.

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So was I staff, but no free beer - with student union prices, I have occasionally managed a hangover that lasted almost the week .....

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They were paying for my services so I assume they thought they must entertain me. It cost them.

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Anyway I dont drink now!

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Lettie has a confession about her lucky pants that she did not air the first time round. Here is your chance Lettie and anyone else who failed to contribute.

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It's not so much a confession. My lucky pants were brought out for special occasions such as interviews, first dates etc, so that the event would go well. I wouldn't mind but they were the oldest most unfashionable pair of knickers ever!!! Everytime I wore them I seemed to have good luck so they became lucky pants until they were demoted to duster status in 1998.

Does anyone else on here have lucky pants or any other item of lucky clothing???:D

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No, but l have a lucky duster. :)

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definatley NO COMMENT on this subject,iv'e lost enough karma this week lol