so my mum died this afternoon... - Page 2

glasgow guy · 20-01-2008, 18:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by [email protected]

If I was you and decided to go, I would not be able to resist a 'dance on her grave'
If it is a cremation - donate a can of petrol.
That woman does not deserve any traditional 'send off'
She was never a mother to you so why bother.

my kinda thoughts...I have the pressure from my sisters and the other half to go and 'do the decent thing'...

panther · 20-01-2008, 19:00

what she did wasnt very decent though was it

MargaretR · 20-01-2008, 19:00

The 'decent thing ' is only appropriate for decent people -- she wasn't

Ps - if you need revenge (and I would) - not going would be it, and provide closure for you

glasgow guy · 20-01-2008, 19:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by panther

what she did wasnt very decent though was it

of course not and I wouldnt wish it on anyone - when I was a young kid I used to hope that I was adopted and that my real parents would come and get me - not what young kids should think...like I mentioned to aleks in a pm.. - I was often told whilst growing up that she 'wished I had died at birth' - I was born very prematurely -so she wouldnt have to look after me at that time...

thomas.lee · 20-01-2008, 19:05

You'll only get one chance to go to ur mums funeral to say final goodbyes. Dont waste an opportunity which you may regret in future years to come..

My advice anyway..

MargaretR · 20-01-2008, 19:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by thomas.lee

You'll only get one chance to go to ur mums funeral to say final goodbyes. Dont waste an opportunity which you may regret in future years to come..

My advice anyway..

He never had a mum

WillowTheWhisp · 20-01-2008, 19:07

I have always followed the theory that I'd rather be sorry for something I've done than for something that I didn't do. Once the opportunity has gone you can never go back.

However, it isn't really something anyone else can advise you on despite all you have said we can never know the full story and how you would feel if you did go as opposed to how you would feel if you didn't. All I can say is if you feel that one day you may regret not having been there then I would suggest that you go.

MargaretR · 20-01-2008, 19:15

I can only speak from my personal experience (which is no more than any of us can)
I was subjected to physical violence and intimidation from my 2nd ex.
I did not learn of his death until 2 years after it happened.
I would go and dance on his grave if I knew where it was.
That is why my response may seem extreme to you

derekgas · 20-01-2008, 19:45

I kind of agree a bit with everyone here, so there can't be much here that helps in many ways, willow has a very valid point, you have one chance at this, but as opposed to closure for yourself or anything for your mother, I think maybe your sisters would appreciate you being there for them, it's a very tough call, and I thank god it is not a decision I will have to make (not for my mum anyway), unless my biological father (sperm donor is how I refer to him), makes a second intrusion into my life, his funeral I would not go to for anything or anybody, but mine would be a much easier decision than the one you have to make, when all is said, I think going to be beside your sisters, and to say good riddance (if that is how you feel) sounds like a better bet than not going at all and perhaps resenting it later. All the best gg, that is a toughie!

firth_dawn · 20-01-2008, 19:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasgow guy

of course not and I wouldnt wish it on anyone - when I was a young kid I used to hope that I was adopted and that my real parents would come and get me - not what young kids should think...like I mentioned to aleks in a pm.. - I was often told whilst growing up that she 'wished I had died at birth' - I was born very prematurely -so she wouldnt have to look after me at that time...

what a terrible childhood you had she doesnt deserve to be called a mother. if she was my mum and treat me so bad i wouldnt go to her funeral. my husbands dad didnt care about him or his sisters and when he died my husband didnt go to his funeral and to this day he doesnt regret not going.

grego · 20-01-2008, 20:04

So sad about your childhood GG though I know you dont want sympathy, she doesn't deserve to be called a mother, I dont think I would go unless you want too, dont feel pressurised by family to go because there's only you who knows how you feel.

Lilly · 20-01-2008, 20:16

I personally would not go. Why should you pay your respects to this woman? However, you need to be certain about it. If you are in any doubt as to whether you may regret not going in later years then maybe going would be best.

It's one of those decisions that once made cannot be altered.

shillelagh · 20-01-2008, 20:33

I would go myself and spug agrees that he would go as well. I know it seems strange this but we would go even though the way she has treated you was awful, she didnt know your child, your partner, didnt know where you lived etc. She is the one who lost out - but go and say your goodbye. In time if you dont go you will regret not going.

Speedy · 20-01-2008, 21:00

I think you should go. If you dont you may regret it, if you do there is nothing to regret. But its up to you.

keetah992000 · 20-01-2008, 21:03

i would say from bitter experience that you only regret the things you havent done-

plus it may help you to get closure for yourself. I would say that you should make it about yourself rather than being there for your mum on her last day. It is obviously at the back of your mind nagging away. maybe it will go away when the funeral has been and gone - or maybe it will turn into thoughts of regret. it is a really personal choice that nobody can make for you but i hope all of these different points of view help you to come to a decision x best wishes to you