TRUE CONFESSIONS ,,(and nothing but the truth)....... - Page 4

shiny gem · 11-03-2005, 15:28

He asked me not to tell his wife as she would be furious. I still feel bad about my part in the scheem but even worse at the laughter my friend and I have shared since then.[/QUOTE]
lmao!!! when will men learn not to lie to us eh??!!!!

fireman · 11-03-2005, 16:11

Would we ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

West Ender · 11-03-2005, 16:15

One more thing I should confess, perhaps not as bad as when I got the lay preacher legless but, well, a bit mean.

My late husband snored and I'm a light sleeper. My trick was to gently push him over on to his side to stop the snoring. One night I was wakened by the usual rumbling so I duly gave him a light shove on to his right side. What I didn't realise was that he was so close to the edge of the bed. He disappeared, completely horizontal, on to the floor with a loud crash. He didn't move or make a sound and I thought, "Oh God, I've killed him." Then, after about 30 seconds, he slowly sat up and said, "What the hell happened?" I'm ashamed to say I pretended to be fast asleep and when he told me, next morning, he had fallen out of bed I said, with all the pretend innocence I could manage, "Did you?"

I never did tell him the truth.

fireman · 11-03-2005, 16:28

Whoever said their were no secrets in a marriage?

fireman · 11-03-2005, 16:52

Ionce saw a car advertised in the local paper that I fancied.I went to see it and negotiated on the price on the grounds that I only needed it for a few weeks whilst my car was repaired following an accident. I screwed the price well down and the seller was a trelly nice man. I paid him a deposite and agreed to pay the balance in full the day after when I collected the car. When I got home I realized I had made a bad mistake, I could not really afford the car, it was totally unsuitable for my needs and I wanted my "non returnable" deposit back. I thought for a few hours and then asked a freiend and neighbour if he would go and see the man and explain that on my way home from buying the car I was run down by a car and it would appear that I had a broken leg. I asked him to give my most sncere apologis But by the time the pot was off my leg my own car would be ready, and therefore can I have my deposit back. The man was really nice and agreed right away that I could have my money back even better he would leave it a while and bring it to my home personally to see how I was. This was a problem as my friend agreed and arranged that the man give me a couple of hours. I was frantic. At the time we were decorating at home and I was putting polystyrene coving up. I decided to put 2 lengths of coving up my trousers and a sock over my foot and appear to be in pain with my foot up on a stool when he came. Right on time he arrived my wife let him in and then ran upstairs, "I swear I could hear her crying wth laughter in the bedroom" I got my money back and due to me being in so much pain the man did not stay long. However on leaving he said, "I'LL CALL AGAIN IN A WEEK OR TWO TO SEE HOW YOUR GETTING ON" Thankfully he never did. Every time I moved I could hear the polystyrene rustling and my wife howling in the bedroom . I am sorry.

pendy · 11-03-2005, 17:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by shiny gem

lol...its ok i too am pure as snow!!!! although there may be a couple of footprints on me now!!!lol

Remember Mae West's line? -

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted .......

Am still trying to decide which bones or beans to spill!

Margaret Pilkington · 11-03-2005, 17:21

Another time when I was very, very mad at hubby I made him a pie with PAL meaty chunks. I was on a late duty, so didn't have to eat it.......and when I got home it was all gone so it couldn't have tasted that bad. Now I just have to watch that he doesn't pee up against lamp posts!

g78 · 11-03-2005, 17:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Another time when I was very, very mad at hubby I made him a pie with PAL meaty chunks. I was on a late duty, so didn't have to eat it.......and when I got home it was all gone so it couldn't have tasted that bad. Now I just have to watch that he doesn't pee up against lamp posts!

Ohh remind me never to cross Margaret

fireman · 11-03-2005, 17:35

Margaret can you put the recipe on the recipe thread for your pal pie (sounds good).

pendy · 11-03-2005, 17:42

OK, another one .... but I don't altogether regret it. This was years ago, when we all used to congregate in the K-J coffee bar on the Boulevard in Blackburn. One of the guys always used to nick other people's coffee - just pick it up off the table and drink it. So .... I acquired some Senokot granules (a very effective laxative) and some Petrolagar (also v. effective laxative). Senokot is brown, petrolagar is white. Add a cupful of hot water, stir - and you have a very very very effective laxative - particularly in the dosage I used! In comes N, grabs enticing cup of coffee, swigs - no-one saw him for 3 days, and there was a rumour that his father was taking tenders to get a bog fitted to a Volvo! He never nicked a coffee again.

If you're out there, Nigel, sorry - but not too sorry!

fireman · 11-03-2005, 17:44

Pendy you have been around a bit ain't that so?

pendy · 11-03-2005, 17:50

They say confession is good for the soul -

When I was a student nurse, I was invited out to dinner by one of the consultants, aged 42, gorgeous, and very glamorous (sports car and flat in Manchester). I wanted to look my absolute best, so bought my first ever pair of false eyelashes. As I sat at the table, looking dewy-eyed and batting said eyelashes, one of the buggers fell off into my soup. I didn't think he'd noticed - so I ate it! - and later whipped to the loo to peel off the other one.

These days I have more aplomb - I would simply pick it out, say "Oh Dear Me" (or words to that effect) and dry it on my napkin.

fireman · 11-03-2005, 17:53

Don't want anything like that in my soup when dereck and I come down to London to do your garden. X

Margaret Pilkington · 11-03-2005, 18:06

Fireman the recipe for pal pie is just a tin of pal meaty chunks.......a small onion diced a squirt of garlic paste and heap the lot into an oven proof dish and put a puff pastry top on it. I hope you aren't going to try this out on your lovely wife!

fireman · 11-03-2005, 18:15

I dare not I would probably nget a bo--ocking for not washing the oven proof dish. besides pal chunks are quite expensive now are they not x

"THERES A HOLE IN MY BUCKET"