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Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men..........................A WOMAN!
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Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
love it, love it, love it Pixie.
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Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/a...tid=3033&stc=1I COULD NOW DO WITH SOME HELP AND SUPPORT LADS, THANKS TO PIXIE, I AM BEING OUTGUNNED:worthy: :help:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A WOMAN- - - |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Happy to help old mate
New Summer Seminars for Women The Car Bonnet Release, What Is It And Why Is It There Life Beyond Shoes Money, The Non-Renewable Resource How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour Why Men Don't Like Any Of Your Friends How To Be A Victim Of Marketing How To Get Out Of Bed Without Waking Up Your Man Is There Really Enough Makeup In The World How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks Where To Look When Your Car Is In Reverse Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking How To Avoid Turning Into Your Mother Quality Time: When You And Your Husband Should Spend Time Apart Beyond The Front Page: Exploring The Daily Newspaper How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking Telltales Sounds Associated With Car Collisions Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You How To Keep 'Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel Talking And Driving: There's Got To Be A Way |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Hope this one helps as well
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First. 8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire 11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up 12. Introduction to Parking 13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space 14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat 15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter 16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption 17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People 18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully 19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His 20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To 21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have 22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice 23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together 24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both 25. TV Remotes: For Men Only |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
_ujv='1.5';_ujv='1.4';_ujv='1.3';
A two-year degree is being offered at Life University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule: MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas Winter Schedule: MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to getting in at 4am MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers Spring Schedule: MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like an Asshole When You're Wrong MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule: SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down - Elective (See Electives Below) Winter Schedule: MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially When Naked MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important Spring Schedule: MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only) MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II Course Electives: EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly MEN 231 Mothers-in-law MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear" ECON 001B Cheaper to Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001A) |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Training Courses Now Available for Men:
============================= = > 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop = > 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge = > 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral = > 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead = > 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference! = > 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away = > 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back = > 8. Going to the Supermarket - It's Not Just for Women Anymore! = > 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In = > 10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In = > 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink = > 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! = > 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! = > 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill = > 15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts = > 16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves = > 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! = > 18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means = > 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's = > 20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category = > 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote = > 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh = > 23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet = > 24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed = > 25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It! = > 26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty = > 27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them = > 28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime = > 29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR A WOMAN SAY:
1. Do you think this dress makes me look too slim ? 2. You take me out too much, can't we just stay in ? 3. A fake one will do. 4. You look stressed out, let me give you a blow job. 5. Have a night out with your mates, you deserve it. 6. That Pamela Anderson has a lovely body. 7. My mother is a real old bitch. 8. No, no, you buy me too much already. 9. Give it to me hard up the butt big boy, you know I love it. 10. What headache ? 11. Put your money away, let me buy the round |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Womens Conference
At an international woman's conference the topic for discussion was how to empower women in the home. The first speaker was the British representative. She stood up and said;"I decided to make a stand against my husband's oppression and so I told him that I would no longer be doing the washing. After the first day I saw no result ; after the second day I still saw nothing but after the third day he did his own washing!" The delegates applauded this brave stand for women's rights. The second speaker was from America. She stood up and said; " I told my husband that I was no longer prepared to cook for him as it was a form of enslavement. After the first day I saw no result after the second day I still saw no result but after the third day he cooked a meal for the both of us!" Again the conference applauded. Next came the Australian delegate. She said; "I told my husband that I would no longer be doing the shopping. After the first day I saw nothing,after the second day I still saw nothing but after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye!!" |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Whats the point in suicide
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Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
Er, it's a joke thread. It's like "yer takes yer life in yer hands to criticise a woman"
http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/a...tid=3023&stc=1 |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
I still think you are ahead Pixie on points.
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Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
A little support then
Rules Men Wish Women Knew 1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down. 3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear. 6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 11. You have enough clothes. 12. You have too many shoes. 13. Crying is blackmail. 14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. 15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes. 18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 23. Check your oil. 24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived. 25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 26. No, it does not matter which quiz. 27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic. 31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. 33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs. 37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. 39. Pumpkin is also a fruit. 40. If it itches, it will be scratched. 41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. 43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together |
Re: An easy way to commit suicide...lol
you didnt work all that out on your own Sarnie.......you haven't lived long enough.
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