Daily Rant

danny27 · 05-08-2008, 12:26

Ok, so heres a few things that have been tickling me for ages, thought id share them with you.

1.) Ok, what is with SOY milk? Yes... SOY MILK! Im sorry, but it shouldnt be called SOY MILK, it should be called SOY JUICE, because we all know there is a SOY TEET is there? But you cant call it soy juice, cos when you say it, it makes you want to gag.

2.) I was reading the instructions on my gf's curling tongs and it actually says "DO NOT INSERT THIS INTO ANY ORIFICE!" Now...what kind of an idiot would do such a thing? "HEYYYY, WARM UP THE CURLING TONGS HUNNI, IM FEELING FRISKY!!!"

3.) Couple of weeks ago i was in yorkshire, and a man got his truck stuck under a bridge ( i dont know how ) and held up the road for hours. Anyway, this police man came past and said to the driver..."Get your truck stuck?" And, without missing a beat the driver said "No, i was just delivering that bridge and i run out of petrol." lol. We laughed too.

4.) and finally..." Doctors are telling us that we must drink 8 pints of water a day. HOW in the HELL are we meant to do that? Are any of us really that thirsty??? I suppose the only way we can do that is to drink as much as we can, and then shove a hosepipe up our bums to compensate for the other 3-4 pints.

Anyway...thats my daily rant and i will have some more tomorrow, heaven knows theres always something funny happening in the world which we live

flashy · 05-08-2008, 14:34

hahaha, nice one Danny

that cheered me up

Less · 05-08-2008, 14:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by flashytart

hahaha, nice one Danny

that cheered me up

Don't encourage him, well, yes, actually, encourage him, it will mean more of my posts stand a chance of remaining undeleted.

Mick · 06-08-2008, 05:48

dont bet on it less

LYNX1 · 06-08-2008, 07:47

Watch that mick, less he's got a nasty streak

LYNX1 · 06-08-2008, 07:48

Oh by the way I thought it was funny too.

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 08:29

Well thank you peeps, im glad you found them amusing. I'll have some more later, but nothing has happened yet so far, but i still havent had my morning coffee so who knows what will come out next.

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 12:15

ok, heres todays daily rant...

1.) One thing that gets me is Christians. Dont you think its odd? Christians wearing Crosses around their necks??? DO YOU THINK that if jesus does come back he wants to see another CROSS ever again???

2.) People are saying "Get Brown out! Get Brown out!" I am for a new leadership, and its simply because of what happened during his first crisis in office. You remember the floods? Well he came to yorkshire to visit flooded areas. he stood next to a river, and pointed "upstream" and said these words..."So...the waters came from that direction did they?" *pause to let that sink in*...NO GORDON, WATER MAGICALLY FLOWS UPWARDS NOW!!! I mean come on, how screwed are we as a nation when our Prime Minister doesnt know basic physics? oh its beyond me.

3.) Oh, and finally...still on the subject of Mr Brown.
SMOKING...BAN...IN...PUBLIC...PLACES. Now, i'm all for a greener planet Mr Triple chin, but banning smoking in Pubs and clubs??? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
We'd all gotten used to the smell of smoke in pubs and such, and it was very atmospheric if you ask me.
NOW...thanks to this fat waste of time, we NOW have to endure smelling peoples body odour in pubs and clubs which we couldnt smell before.
Thanks for reminding how smelly people can be you fat retarded pretensious prick!!!

*deep breath*

And thats it for me...for now.

MargaretR · 06-08-2008, 12:18

BBC - Health - Conditions - Anger management

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 12:23

What makes you think i need anger management???

emamum · 06-08-2008, 12:26

this may be more appropriate given some of his other posts What does being "sectioned" mean? - Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust (AWP)

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 12:40

sectioned eh? Oh if only that could be true. Nice padded room for me to bounce around in, miss a few weeks off work. Oh blissfull peace and quiet!!!

emamum · 06-08-2008, 12:45

i feel the same actually....... someone else to cook and clean for me, no trouble, peace and quiet.......... someone sign me up please!

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 12:50

lol my thoughts exactly emma.

Anyway, if anybody else has any funny quotes or things that are bugging them, then please post some more on this thread

danny27 · 06-08-2008, 14:59

Ok, heres some more...

1.) I got home one day to find my front door locked...and the curtains were closed. I looked through the letter box and couldnt see any sign of life. SO as you do i started banging on the door. THEN appeared my neighbour and he said..."You locked out?"
I said "Nope...the door was making fun of my mother, im just giving him a good beating!"

2.) one day when i was younger we went for a drive in the country. Suddenly the tire went flat. So my father got out and opened the boot to get the spare. A car parked next to us and said ... "Tire go flat???" ... My dad said "Erm, no...i was just driving and those other THREE tires just swelled up on me."

3.) You know when you buy any electrical equipment you usually get a lil pack of silicon. What does it say on the packet??? "Do not eat this". now what kind of idiot,Would open up the package and said "HEY LOOK HONEY, WE GOT SPEAKERS AND A PACK OF GUM!!!"

and finally... last night as i was finishing work a colleague came over to me and said "You still here?" ... I couldnt resist. i said "Nope, i left about 30 mins ago, this is just an illusion!!!

thanks everybody, more tomorrow