Persistent Salesmen Don't You Hate Them?

Less · 20-05-2016, 10:51

Especially when they approach you uninvited!

So there I was having a smoke break outside a pub where I was approached by some chap that at first I thought was about to try and scrounge a fag. However After introducing himself as my 'mate' (a complete stranger calling me mate is a sure way to ensure they get a cold reception), he went on to ask if I would like to buy some cheap tobacco. It being a Thursday I try my best not to swear at strangers so I informed him politely that I had no interest in his merchandise as I only smoke filter tipped.
This did not stop his sales pitch, he informed me he had packs of two hundred pucker fags. I could tell he was going to be hard to get rid of and having finished my smoke I wanted to return to my pint.
Desperate times call for desperate measures so I decided to lie.

"I'm sorry mate, but my works contract forbids me from buying tobacco products from anywhere except legal establishments, I would get the sack".

'Wow' said he, 'what sort of employer puts such restrictions on it's workers?'

I replied in a low whisper as if confiding a tremendous secret, 'Customs and Excise'.

I have never seen two carrier bags and their owner disappear from view at such a great speed from a standing start, hopefully when I go out today and stand in the same place I will only have to put up with our local beggars!

Less · 22-05-2016, 10:58

Well, it seems to be my week for meeting and greeting strangers, I was wandering home the long way (three steps forward two back) having ensured that at least one business in Accrington will have earned enough for it to open again tomorrow.

Yet again it involves a cigarette, I had just taken one from my packet and lit up, I think it's the bright red glow that attracts them, a bit like a moth to a flame, stepping into my personal space came a young man, 'excuse me, I'm not a scrounger', he said, 'I've got money could you sell me a fag?'.

I was struck by this novel approach, usually these folk just slur out a demand, 'gimme a fag' (usually followed by verbal abuse once I refuse).
Therefore my curiosity peaked I asked this affluent ne'r do well how much he was prepared to give for one of my superkings, 'I got 25p' he replied.
'Well I can see this as a little bit of a problem do you know how much 10 of these things cost?'
'About a fiver?' he conjectured, 'Yes, which works out at 50p each, therefore for you to be true to your word and not be a scrounger, surely you should offer me 75p?'.
It was at this point that I got the verbal abuse we know so well whilst wandering around our town.

On the plus side, this young chap will now have a basic grasp of economic's which, should we remain in the EU after the 23rd of June will qualify him to stand as our local MEP, it's a funny old world and just goes to show, politics effects almost all that we do.

Margaret Pilkington · 22-05-2016, 11:17

Oh dear, Less.....The first post had me laughing....But your second one caps it.
Especially the bit about economics.
Have you looked in the mirror to see if someone has scrawled MUG on your forehead?

Less · 22-05-2016, 11:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Oh dear, Less.....The first post had me laughing....But your second one caps it.
Especially the bit about economics.
Have you looked in the mirror to see if someone has scrawled MUG on your forehead?

I thought that was a birth mark and when I look in a mirror it almost looks like gum!

Margaret Pilkington · 22-05-2016, 12:24

...you need to get it off Less.

Eric · 22-05-2016, 14:24

Poor Less ... seems as if you have become an asshole magnet. And those guys definitely seem to be candidates for George Carlin's "List of People Who Ought to Be Killed."

Less · 02-07-2016, 20:56

Today's little surprise/bargain basement item was as I was walking along Blackburn Rd, I was approached by a bloke with a made for life plastic bag crammed full of lava lamps, now I remember these from the 60's falling asleep watching one after indulging too much, however I have never seen so many in one place.

His bag he claimed contained 12 I could have them all for a pound each or purchase 1 for £1.50.

Maybe I've missed out on my chance to become an entrepreneur (hope I spelt that right), because when I got home I googled them and it seems they are popular once more, however I stood my ground and proclaimed that I can't imagine ever wishing to waste electricity plugging this device in and suggested he goes back and steals something worthwhile such as a pound of bacon?

He told me he was a vegetarian and it would be against his principles to steal meat!

O.K. I said, some blue cheese?

Vegan was the reply.

Well said I, I suppose a decent pair of leather boots will be out of the question?

He left at this point cursing me for not caring about the world and it's environment.

Margaret Pilkington · 02-07-2016, 21:08

Oh dear Less.....I am going to have to look for that spare pair now.
Jeremy Corbyn made me cry.....and that is just the picture of him.
With you, I laughed so much the tears ran down my legs(ok TMI)

Less · 30-07-2016, 16:25

Yet another of the towns fully employed salsemen attempted to tempt me with his goods today, after approaching all the females in the pub with really cheap perfume (I do mean cheap the sort of stuff that as a kid you bought for mum at Christmas, the stuff that she would use on the drains in the new year, because although it didn't smell as good as domestos it killed far more germs).
He had no joy, selling it, he then approached me, would I like some for my loved one?
My reply was a nearly polite no, I confessed that I didn't know a member of the female sex that I hated enough to purchase such junk.
He wasn't put off, he just changed tactic, he has he claimed spare Gillette blades for my razor.
I pointed out to him the fact that I have a full beard, I have had a beard long enough for it to change colour over the years and didn't own a razor.
He started to look dismayed sad enough in fact for me to take advantage.
Look I said, do you do this full time, Stealing cheap crap then walking from pub to pub trying to sell it?

Yes, came his trembling reply he was almost pouting, well, I said, have you ever considered turning legitimate? I know a guy that sells double glazing, surely that would be an easier job than this and you have a natural aptitude for ripping folk off. It pays good commission.
He picked up a betting slip & pen from the bar and asked for the number.
I pretended to look through my phone contacts then made an 01254 number up, it might be interesting to see how he gets on.

Less · 30-07-2016, 19:28

It must be my lucky day, just as I was about to wend my merry way home, another hopeful came over to me.

Would you like to buy some football boots?
I'm in my sixties why would I want football boots I ask.
Well they're size 12 and cheap came the reply.
A pair of 9's would make me look like Mcdonald's clown, I'm not interested was my reply.

Oh come on he said, they're in Stanley colours surely you want to support your local team?

IF I want to support the team I won't buy nicked boots I will buy a season ticket, came from my gob.

Yeah but you can sell them on to someone young enough to play.

No, If I wanted someone young playing football I'd buy them an honest pair, I wouldn't want a pair that are nicked.

You've no loyalty to the team he came back with.

Well, that was it, he is perfectly right, I don't follow the team, I don't follow football, I don't understand football, I do like to hear when they win there lies my loyalty.

I have no loyalty towards nicked football boots no matter what team they represent.

Somehow I'm beginning to think, too many shoplifters and too many people buying from them exist in our town.