tips about cats - Page 2

chav1 · 30-11-2005, 03:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by katex

last month my friend had to have her Jack Russell put down because he killed the neighbour's cat .

that dog should have been given a medal not the death penalty

Get`A`Grip · 01-12-2005, 02:21

If you need to get gid of cats, not problem ring up sinbads and they`ll soon start disappearing, just remember that at the weekends when your chewing on that grizzel on a saturday night

Bad-Wolf · 01-12-2005, 08:21

Gives a whole new meaning to a can of Kitty Cat!

WillowTheWhisp · 01-12-2005, 08:42

Never get a cat the same colour as your stairs carpet! Our Bracken blends in far too well.

Don't waste money on expensive cat toys. They will probably ignore them and prefer to play "football" with a bottle top or find 1001 things to do with a drinking straw.

Cats think that they are in charge of the house and you are there to do their bidding. They usually manage to prove themselves right.

Bracken nags and nags at us when she wants something and has developed a small human vocabulary of words such as "Mama" and "NOW!"

Cat hairs always show up as black on white clothing and white on black clothing even when from the same cat!

katex · 01-12-2005, 17:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by chav1

that dog should have been given a medal not the death penalty

You cruel Chav, although must admit thought the ultimate punishment was rather harsh. 'Eric' was a lovely dog, and apart from the bruises and scratches on my legs and arms received from his greetings, never did any worse harm. Did wonder if the decision was more to do with keeping peace with the neighbour than anything else ,and my friend was pressurised into this, mind you the neighbour does have two other cats

chav1 · 01-12-2005, 20:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by katex

the neighbour does have two other cats

the dog died before its work was finished then lol

damn shame

staggeringman · 03-12-2005, 16:41

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????
eat them!

yerself · 04-12-2005, 11:32

How to give your cat a pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth rub throat of cat to encourage swallowing.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call wife from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get wife to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get wife to lie on cat with its head just visible from below wife's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to wife's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's garden shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a glass of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get wife to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for session with Psychiatrist for even daring to think about giving your cat a pill!

katex · 04-12-2005, 12:22

Loved that Yerself, LOL ..even with the aid of my nurse daughter, was always a traumatic time .. 'course those powder ones you put on their food never, ever work as you can't explain to them that they won't get anymore food until they eat the doctored platter, think my last cat would have starved first.

.. (or rather paw) to me I guess.

SPUGGIE J · 04-12-2005, 20:47

I wonder if my cat loving daughter would appreciate yerselfs humour or wether she would want to land a kick. I like it though as I have never come accross a co-operative moggy as it must be against their nature. They like to think they are boss and are more than willing to show it as scratchings in the past will testify to.

katex · 04-12-2005, 22:13

Think you over-reacting here Spuggie on behalf of defending your daughter's love of cats. Yerself just exaggerated a true situation with a great sense of humour attached to it. Didn't mean he deserved a kick for this ... obviously he has a great affection for them if you bother to read between the lines.

slinky · 04-12-2005, 22:24

Yerself, this is soooooooo true!!!! I hate having to give my cat pills.
It had me in stitches because it is sooo true!!!!

SPUGGIE J · 05-12-2005, 16:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by katex

Think you over-reacting here Spuggie on behalf of defending your daughter's love of cats. Yerself just exaggerated a true situation with a great sense of humour attached to it. Didn't mean he deserved a kick for this ... obviously he has a great affection for them if you bother to read between the lines.

I see the humour my daughter didnt. She thought it was serious.

katex · 05-12-2005, 17:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alec_Ish

have you got aby tips about cats?
If so share them here.

Alec

Spuggie: Yeh, but the cat always comes out best, doesn't it ?

Alec .. you weren't by any chance thinking of getting one, were you ? After all this, must have put you off, specially the bum wiping bit.

SPUGGIE J · 05-12-2005, 18:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by katex

Spuggie: Yeh, but the cat always comes out best, doesn't it ?

I think the little furry fiend is sniggering when I am around and thinking "I am ready for you my claws have been sharpened and so have my teeth. Bring it on boyo and see what you get." When its in that mood I avoid it like I would avoid a doctors syringe.