Joke Of The Day

[Bazf]

As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister's, which were a bit on the small side.
When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's.

As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me."

The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.

"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"

"I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!"

There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed, "There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SOOO good!"

In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, 'See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."

Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.

"Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the throne.

At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

[Sara]

Due to bird flu been discovered in Ireland. The goverment has banned all hen parties.

[Bazf]

40 Gypsies arrive at Heavens Gate.

St Peter comes out and says 'sorry we've only got room for 5 of you so decide amongst yourself who's coming in'

5 minutes later St Peter says to God 'They've gone!'

'What all 40?' says God

'No the Gates!'

[staggeringman]

scientists have crossed a chicken with an onion,
they have finally got a cock that will bring tears to a womans eye.

[Sara]

Probably not PC, but who cares:


Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them
to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is
made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend
shouting out cries of "Here I come again. ONE,TWO,THREE UUH!" all night
long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?

I couldn't even get on the bed."

[Bazf]

A man went to a zoo

It only had 1 dog in it.

It was a shi tzu

[Sparkologist]

Two worms live on a golf course. The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, "I don't know, but I was just going up to check it out." So he starts up through the dirt.
At that moment, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway. The first one says, "I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, it's very early. There's nobody else here. Do it right here. Nobody will know."
The first lady says, "You think so?"
Her friend says, "Yeah."
She pulls down her panties, lifts up her little golf dress and squats. She's just about to commence when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly and he gets soaked. He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes up to the first worm, soaking wet. The first worm looks at him and says, "Oh, it's raining huh?"
The second worm says, "Not only is it raining, it's raining so hard the birds are building their nests upside-down!"

[cashman]

surgeon says to george best- got some good news and bad news george! best says-give me the bad news first doc, (doc) sorry mate you have only about 60 mins to live. (best) hell doc whats the good news? (doc) its happy hour.

[Sparkologist]

It has been a while since we heard from Little Johnny... but you can't keep him out of the news for long.

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?".
"How about a lollipop!" said Steven.
"Very good. Now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".
The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"
Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mum say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

[Sara]

Mummy mummy do they have Christmas decorations in Vietnam? No, but i hear they are hanging glitter this year.

[Bazf]

Nice one Sara

What was Gary Glitter doing in C&A?
He heard boys pant were half off!

Did you hear about Gary Glitter's holiday?
He went to Tampa with the children.

I hear Gary Glitter is going to be the next Dr Who...
... apparently he will have two assistants, K9 and Stacey, eleven.

[Sara]

They're even sadder then mine Bazf, but funny.

[Bazf]

George Bests son to inherit 50,000,000 pounds










........










He's taking back the empties...

[Sparkologist]

A man goes in bar. A mouse jumps out of his pocket.
Bartender says, "Nice mouse!"
The man says, "No ordinary mouse though, this little feller talks!"
The Bartender says "Oh yeah, what about?"
The man says, "See that woman at the end of the bar, the mouse will tell me what colour panties she has on."
Bartender says "Really? This I gotta see."
The man points to woman says to mouse; "Mouse: woman!"
Mouse runs down sees woman's panties from the floor and comes back and says "Pink."
"Wow, the bartender says. will he do that for me?"
The man says, "Sure."
The bartender sees a woman sitting at a table, points to her, says "Mouse: woman!"
Mouse runs out, comes tearing back, bounces off the bar into the bartender's pocket shaking like a leaf.
The bartender says "What's wrong with you?"
Mouse says, "I taught I taw a puddy tat!"

[krex]

my personal favourite...!

Ladies, I apologize for all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

Here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realise it's not worth buying an entire Pig,
just to get a little sausage.