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At the age of 65 my Grandma started walking 10 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is...

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My geography teacher asked me if I could name a country with no R in it. I said no way!

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What do you call a nun who sleep walks? A roaming Catholic.

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Ryewolf, please take it as read that I laughed at all these one-liners. I enjoyed the lot of them. Very witty.

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Me too Dorothy….they made me chuckle.

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Why doesn't Elton John eat lettuce? Coz he's a Rocket Man...

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Two goldfish were in a tank together. One said to the other, do you know how to drive this thing?

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Yesterday I was washing the car with my son. He said dad can't you just a sponge?.

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My doctor told me I'm at risk of heart disease cuz I eat to much sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt.

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This morning I was at a job interview and the manager handed me a laptop and said "I want you to try to sell this to me". So I put it under my arm, left, and went home. Eventually he called me and said "I want my laptop back." I said £200 and it's yours."

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My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian asked me to take it out.

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If math is mathematical, and quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

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If Nuns live in a nunnery, why don't Monks live in a monkery?

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The garden of Eden was a lovely place.
Adam and Eve were very happy for a while.
Then Adam started disappearing for hours at a time.
He would be missing from sun up to sundown.
Eve did not like this and the snake took a chance to stir up some mischief.
He whispered into Eve’s ear ‘Eve, he has another woman on the go. You need to tackle him’

So that evening when Adam came home whistling.
Eve stood there, grim faced and arms folded, she asked ‘have you got another woman Adam?
‘Don’t be daft Eve, there are no other women here’.
They went to bed and during the night Adam felt some sharp pains in his ribs.
He sat up and found Eve poking him in the ribs with her sharp fingernails.
‘What on earth are you doing Eve’ he asked.
‘Counting your ribs!’ said Eve.

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An elderly man is walking home at 2am in the morning.
A patrol car stops close to him and asks where he is going in the middle of the night.

'Officer I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effect it has on the body'

'Oh really sir and who would be giving this lecture at this hour?'

'THE WIFE' says the elderly man.