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Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

No sun....

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What has 5 toes but isn't your foot?

My foot....

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Ryewolf…I loved those joke…yes they were a bit corny, a bit Christmas Cracker…but they made me laugh…thank you.
I needed a laugh today.

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I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y....

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A newly married young man had parts of his dismantled motor bike on the kitchen table.
His wife walked in and said to him ‘don’t you think you should sell your motor bike now we are married?’
The husband paled and said ‘You sound a lot like my ex wife’
‘You never said you had been married before’
‘I haven’t!’ he said.

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Another old one:
What do you get when a school teacher gets run over by a steam roller?





A holiday brochure!

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A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!

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Talking about lions:

A missionary working in Africa to spread the word of Christianity was one day walking alone in the bush. Although he had been told that it was dangerous to do so, he always replied “God is with me so I’m not afraid.”
On this particular day a pride of lions started to surround him and started licking their lips. He then turned to God and said “please turn these lions into Christians so they will not eat me.”
The huge male lion then said “for what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful.

Cheers

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My wife said 'What, starts with F and ends with K", I said no it doesn't

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I warned my children about using their whistle inside the house. And I gave them one last chance. Unfortunately... they blew it.

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My wife has always compared me to Zack Efron. She'll say you're nothing like Zack Efron.

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My wife told me to stop being an idiot and just be myself. I told her to make up her mind.

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My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That's ridiculous.. I didn't even know it was her birthday.

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I'd like to thanks Miriam Webster for teaching me the meaning of plethora. It really means a lot.

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85% of Americans don't know how to do simple math. Thank God I'm part of the other 25%.