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Anything Goes Anything goes.....well, you'll get away with more here than anywhere else on Accyweb! But remember, we are a child friendly forum! |
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Welcome to Accrington Web!
We are a discussion forum dedicated to the towns of Accrington, Oswaldtwistle and the surrounding areas, sometimes referred to as Hyndburn! We are a friendly bunch please feel free to browse or read on for more info. You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, photos, play in the community arcade and use our blog section. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please, join our community today!
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668Likes
19-04-2004, 18:03
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#226
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Filthy / Gorgeous
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Re: Joke Of The Day
A man works in a busy office full of attractive
girls.
The man takes a particular shine to one of the long legged
lovelies and walks up to her in the office each day,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of
air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer,
and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the
co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual
harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and
asks,
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf"
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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19-04-2004, 18:28
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#227
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God Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Great Harwood
Posts: 5,576
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 3601
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Re: Joke Of The Day
A LESSON FROM FAIRIES A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married
couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish". "I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the
wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets plus expenses appeared in her hands. Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well
this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me". The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made
a circle with her magic stick and.......abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old....... Men might be mean, but Fairies are.................... Female ! ! !
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19-04-2004, 18:31
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#228
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Oh dear...back to the lowest common denominator...sex.
One night, a couple were lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turned over and said, 'I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologists appointment in the morning, and I want to stay fresh.'
Rejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled over and whispered in her ear, 'Do you have a dentists appointment too?'
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!
Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
Last edited by Sparkologist; 20-04-2004 at 22:59.
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19-04-2004, 18:34
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#229
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God Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Great Harwood
Posts: 5,576
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 3601
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Ha ha ha ha ha. brill
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19-04-2004, 18:41
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#230
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Filthy / Gorgeous
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Nice one!!!!
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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20-04-2004, 17:21
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#231
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Filthy / Gorgeous
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Re: Joke Of The Day
I went to the shop yesterday, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I
went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a girl a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a piece of
horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen
with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I'm
trying to have a little fun each day. It's important.
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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20-04-2004, 17:36
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#232
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God Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Great Harwood
Posts: 5,576
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 3601
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Re: Joke Of The Day
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20-04-2004, 19:54
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#233
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: clayton-le-moors
Posts: 463
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 0
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Re: Joke Of The Day
"doctor doctor its the wife. Shes having trouble with her eyesight"
Said the agitated husband.
"Really?" replied the doctor, "in what way?"
"She keeps having visions of a pearl necklace"
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20-04-2004, 19:59
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#234
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: clayton-le-moors
Posts: 463
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 0
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Re: Joke Of The Day
why dont women have hair on their chest?
you don't get grass growing on a playground
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20-04-2004, 20:06
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#235
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: clayton-le-moors
Posts: 463
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 0
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Scrawled on a toilet wall:
Always aim high.....then you won't splash your shoes
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20-04-2004, 20:31
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#236
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God Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Great Harwood
Posts: 5,576
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 3601
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Whats a pearl necklace? is it rude.
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20-04-2004, 20:33
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#237
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: clayton-le-moors
Posts: 463
Liked: 0 times
Rep Power: 0
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Re: Joke Of The Day
yes...........
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20-04-2004, 23:01
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#238
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Joke Of The Day
It's a damn sight cheaper than a diamond necklace!!!
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!
Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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20-04-2004, 23:20
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#239
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I am Band
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Overlooking 22 yards
Posts: 1,321
Liked: 3 times
Rep Power: 56
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Have we had a Redneck joke on here before? We have now...
The National Transport Safety Board recently announced that they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. car manufacturers for the last five years, whereby the automakers were installing black-box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to detirmine, when accidents occured, the last fifteen seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find that in 49 of the 50 States, the last words of drivers in 62.9% of crashes were, 'Oh s**t!'
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!
Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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21-04-2004, 11:15
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#240
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Senior Member+
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: accrington
Posts: 1,977
Liked: 4 times
Rep Power: 227
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Re: Joke Of The Day
Imigrants Lament
me come to england poor and broke
go down dole see labour bloke
fill in form stand around
kind man give me plenty pound
me thank him much and then he say
you come next week and get more pay
me write a letter to pakistan
tell friends come quick as can
all is nicely settled down
nice big house in bradford town
twenty families living up
twice as many living down
more in garden live in tent
six months later big bank roll
go more labour draw more dole
wife wants glasses teeth and pills
all is free we get no bills
me think england dam fine place
much to nice for white man race
god bless white man big and small
he pay tax to keep us all
and if you dont like coloured man
plenty room in pakistan.
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