Accrington Web
   

Home Gallery Arcade Blogs Members List Today's Posts
Go Back   Accrington Web > Fun > Anything Goes
Donate! Join Today

Anything Goes Anything goes.....well, you'll get away with more here than anywhere else on Accyweb! But remember, we are a child friendly forum!


Welcome to Accrington Web!

We are a discussion forum dedicated to the towns of Accrington, Oswaldtwistle and the surrounding areas, sometimes referred to as Hyndburn! We are a friendly bunch please feel free to browse or read on for more info.
You are currently viewing our site as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, photos, play in the community arcade and use our blog section. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please, join our community today!



Like Tree649Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 19-04-2004, 18:03   #226
Filthy / Gorgeous

 
lettie's Avatar
 
Bejeweled Blitz Champion!
Re: Joke Of The Day

A man works in a busy office full of attractive
girls.
The man takes a particular shine to one of the long legged
lovelies and walks up to her in the office each day,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of
air and tells her that her hair smells nice.



After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer,
and goes to HR.

Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the
co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual
harassment suit against him.



The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and
asks,

"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?


The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf"
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.


The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
lettie is offline   Reply With Quote
Accrington Web
Old 19-04-2004, 18:28   #227
Len
God Member
 
Len's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

A LESSON FROM FAIRIES
A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married

couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the

wife.
The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets plus
expenses appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well

this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once
in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me".
The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made

a circle with her magic stick and.......abracadabra!...
Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.......
Men might be mean, but Fairies are.................... Female ! ! !

Len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2004, 18:31   #228
I am Band

 
Sparkologist's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Oh dear...back to the lowest common denominator...sex.

One night, a couple were lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turned over and said, 'I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologists appointment in the morning, and I want to stay fresh.'
Rejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled over and whispered in her ear, 'Do you have a dentists appointment too?'
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!

Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!

Last edited by Sparkologist; 20-04-2004 at 22:59.
Sparkologist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2004, 18:34   #229
Len
God Member
 
Len's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Ha ha ha ha ha. brill
Len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2004, 18:41   #230
Filthy / Gorgeous

 
lettie's Avatar
 
Bejeweled Blitz Champion!
Re: Joke Of The Day

Nice one!!!!
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.


The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
lettie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 17:21   #231
Filthy / Gorgeous

 
lettie's Avatar
 
Bejeweled Blitz Champion!
Re: Joke Of The Day

I went to the shop yesterday, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I
went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a girl a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a piece of
horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen
with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I'm
trying to have a little fun each day. It's important.
__________________
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.


The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
lettie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 17:36   #232
Len
God Member
 
Len's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day


Ya... nice one.
Len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 19:54   #233
Registered User
 
ellie's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

"doctor doctor its the wife. Shes having trouble with her eyesight"
Said the agitated husband.
"Really?" replied the doctor, "in what way?"
"She keeps having visions of a pearl necklace"
ellie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 19:59   #234
Registered User
 
ellie's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

why dont women have hair on their chest?
you don't get grass growing on a playground
ellie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 20:06   #235
Registered User
 
ellie's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Scrawled on a toilet wall:
Always aim high.....then you won't splash your shoes
ellie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 20:31   #236
Len
God Member
 
Len's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Whats a pearl necklace? is it rude.
Len is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 20:33   #237
Registered User
 
ellie's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

yes...........
ellie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 23:01   #238
I am Band

 
Sparkologist's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

It's a damn sight cheaper than a diamond necklace!!!
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!

Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
Sparkologist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2004, 23:20   #239
I am Band

 
Sparkologist's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Have we had a Redneck joke on here before? We have now...

The National Transport Safety Board recently announced that they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. car manufacturers for the last five years, whereby the automakers were installing black-box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to detirmine, when accidents occured, the last fifteen seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find that in 49 of the 50 States, the last words of drivers in 62.9% of crashes were, 'Oh s**t!'
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'
__________________
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!

Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
Sparkologist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21-04-2004, 11:15   #240
Senior Member+

 
janet's Avatar
 

Re: Joke Of The Day

Imigrants Lament
me come to england poor and broke
go down dole see labour bloke
fill in form stand around
kind man give me plenty pound

me thank him much and then he say
you come next week and get more pay
me write a letter to pakistan
tell friends come quick as can

all is nicely settled down
nice big house in bradford town
twenty families living up
twice as many living down
more in garden live in tent

six months later big bank roll
go more labour draw more dole
wife wants glasses teeth and pills
all is free we get no bills

me think england dam fine place
much to nice for white man race
god bless white man big and small
he pay tax to keep us all
and if you dont like coloured man
plenty room in pakistan.
__________________
janet is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Valentine's Day | - »
Thread Tools



Other sites of interest.. More town sites..




All times are GMT. The time now is 06:35.


2003-2013 AccringtonWeb.com



Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1