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Old 27-07-2004, 06:21   #706
I am Band

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Re: Joke Of The Day

Quickies it is then...

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: A Gladiator.

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!

Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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Old 27-07-2004, 11:12   #707
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Of The Day

The top 100 funny Bumper Stickers

4 out of 5 voices in my head say Go For It!

A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?

A real gentleman wouldn't stare at my stickers.

Answer my prayer -- steal this car
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.

Back off! I'm not that kind of car.

Beat rush hour, leave work at noon

CAUTION! - Driver legally blonde!

CAUTION! I can go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds

Clear the road I'm SIXTEEN

Come The Rapture Can I Have Your Car?

Cover me! I'm changing lanes.

Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Don't assume I'm not into cheap meaningless sex

Don't follow me. I'm lost too.

Don't **** me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Driver carries no cash. He's married.

Forget About World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).

Get off my ass before I start to like it!

God is Coming and is she ****ED

God was my co-pilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him

Heavily medicated for your safety.

Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.

Help! I Farted and can't roll down my windows!

Horn Broken Watch for Finger

I'm a nice guy. My car is evil.

I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.

I'm only driving this way to **** you off.

I'm Out of Estrogen And I Have a Gun

I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

I'm Not Losing Hair I'm Getting Head

I'm not playing with myself, I'm just adjusting my jewellery.

I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

I am not a bum. My wife works!

I brake suddenly for tailgaters

I don't care, I don't have to.

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

I have a drink problem - I can't afford it.

I have a nice body. It's in my trunk
I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

I is a college student.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

I love cats they taste like chicken

I may be a Cruel and Heartless Bitch But I'm damn good at it

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!

I still have the body of an 18 year old but it's in my trunk and it's starting to smell

I Still Miss My "Ex" But My Aim Is Improving

I suffer from c.r.s. (can't remember ****)

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I want to be just like Barbie That BITCH Has Everything!

I Wasn't Born A Bitch Men Like You Make Me That Way

If everything is coming your way, youre in the wrong lane!

If I would like to hear from an asshole, Id fart!

If this car is being driven courteously it's been stolen.

If we call it tourist season why can't we shoot them?

If You Are Born Again Do You Have Two Belly Buttons ?

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!

Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!

It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!

It only seems kinky the first time.

It sucks to be a man in a lesbians body.

Jesus is coming look busy.

Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control!

Lord give me patience... But Hurry!

Make It Idiot Proof and Someone Will Make a Better Idiot

Men are Idiots and I married their King

My daughter turned down your honor student!

My Goddess Gave Birth To Your God

My other bumper sticker is funny.

My other car is a broom

My other car is also a piece of junk

Of All The Things I've Lost I Miss My Mind The Most

Out of my mind (back in 5 minutes)

******* off the whole planet one person at a time

Politicians & Diapers need to be changed... often for the same reason

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself

Sex is my religion.. let us pray!

So Many Cats, So Few Recipes

So many pedestrians. So little time!

Somewhere in Texas there's a village missing an idiot

Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!


Think this looks bad? You should see the front.

This Is Not An Abandoned Vehicle

Unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass!

Why Are You Staring At My Bumper!? You Pervert!

Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending on you.

Yes, This Is My Truck No, I Won't Help You Move

Your child may be an honors student, but You're still an idiot.

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Old 29-07-2004, 12:15   #708
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Rules for boys:-

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there is darkness.
3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are OK.
6. Hockey games are okay.
7. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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Old 29-07-2004, 21:18   #709
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Those honeymoon blues...

There was a man who had just gotten married and was spending his wedding night with his new wife in a very posh hotel. It was to be the first time that he had ever had sex with his partner, indeed he had never even seen her nude.

As they were both undressing, he looked up from taking off his socks to notice that she did in fact have very large breasts.

He said as much to her, but the poor girl, who had always had a bit of a complex about them, got very distraught. So much so that she sent him, blanket in hand, to go and sleep in the corridor. The man was pretty upset at this, but, not wishing to fuel her anger further, did as he was told.

Just as he was getting off to sleep, another man came into the corridor and joined him. The first man asked the second why he was out there, to which the second replied that he was also on his wedding night and had never had the pleasure of seeing his new wife's body before either.

When she was undressing, he had complemented her on having a rather large bum. She hadn't been impressed with his comment, and had ordered him to go and sleep in the corridor.

It wasn't long before jilted honeymooner number three sulkily sauntered along to join the other two.

"What's wrong with you?" Asked the first. "Did you put your foot in it as well?" "No," replied the third, "but I bloody well could have..."
Connect it: Red > Yellow, Yellow > Blue, & Blew to ....'kin bits!

Any ramblings, meanderings, thoughts or musings are mine and mine alone. Any opinions expressed are Lettie's!
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Old 30-07-2004, 06:35   #710
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Bejeweled Blitz Champion!
Re: Joke Of The Day

A collection of footballers gaffs, who said footballers weren't thick eh!!!

1. 'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
David Beckham

2. 'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.'
Mark Viduka

3. 'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'
Ronnie Whelan

4. 'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,he's the only manager I've actually had at this
level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.'
David Beckham

5. 'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.'
Neville Southall

6. We lost because we didn't win.'

7. 'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'
Paul Gascoigne

8. 'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.'
Alan Shearer

9. 'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
Mark Draper

10. 'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows
and we're knocked out.'
Peter Shilton

11. 'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,but let me state that I don't want to leave
Stan Collymore

12. 'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had
scored in the first minute at Birmingham.My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out
there playing.'
Ade Akinbiyi

13. 'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
Ian Wright

14. 'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
Ugo Ehiogu

15. 'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.'
Ian Wright

16. 'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough.'
Jonathan Woodgate

17. 'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
Stuart Pearce

18. 'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.'
Lee Hendrie

19. 'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'-
Ian Rush

20. 'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.'
Steve Lomas

21. 'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.'
Barry Venison

22. 'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.'
David Beckham

23. 'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European.'
Phil Neville

24. 'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
Mitchell Thomas

25. 'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
Graeme Le Saux

26. 'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
Alan Shearer

27. 'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
Johnny Giles

28. 'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
Thierry Henry.

29. 'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
Les Ferdinand

30. 'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.'
Richard Rufus

31. 'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
Gary Lineker

32. 'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.'
Vinny Jones

33. 'If you don't concede any goals you'll win more games than you lose.'--
Wayne Bridge

34. 'Do you remember when we played in Spain in the Anglo-Italian?'
Shaun Newton
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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Old 30-07-2004, 11:52   #711
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Of The Day




Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
(Note: this class meets at O'Malley's Brew Pub on 16th Street)

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

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Old 30-07-2004, 15:56   #712
Senior Member+

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Re: Joke Of The Day

This had to have been written by a woman, a man would'nt have had the brains.
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Old 30-07-2004, 15:58   #713


Re: Joke Of The Day

Yep, a man wouldn't have had the Time......Hahaha
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Old 02-08-2004, 10:53   #714
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Ah, sweet harmony.
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Old 02-08-2004, 12:43   #715
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Letters to councils - you won't believe it
These are extracts from actual letter sent to various councils and housing associations thoughout the UK:

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

...and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do i stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

...50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take anymore

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that i can't swallow.
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Old 02-08-2004, 19:49   #716
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Bejeweled Blitz Champion!
Re: Joke Of The Day

Ever thought of having children? Here are some hints and tips in order to prepare you


Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

Before you finally go ahead and have children, Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the playgroup committee.

Forget the hatchback and buy a big Volvo estate. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors

come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Weetabix and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane. Continue until half the Weetabix is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby. Learn the names of every character from Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "Postman Pat" at work, you finally qualify as a parent. And remember: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children and be nice to your kids, they'll be the ones picking your retirement home !!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

The views expressed here are my own and not necessarily those of my family, friends, employer, this site, my neighbours, hairdresser, dentist, GP, next door's dog or anyone else who knows me..
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Old 03-08-2004, 11:45   #717
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"

"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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Old 03-08-2004, 12:01   #718
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted.
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Old 03-08-2004, 13:51   #719
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Saddam Hussain goes to hell and...
Saddam Hussain goes to hell and the devil is waiting there and he isnt in the best of moods, he look to Mr. Hussian and says "well well well look at who we have here, i am over booked so you have the choice of 3 doors and you MUST choose one of the doors, the door you choose will be your fate for all eternity!"
Mr. Hussain nods and they procceed to the first door and open it and here is Aldof Hitler diving into a pool and resurfacing then diving back in again, Mr hussian looks and shakes his head " i cant swim" he says
The devil shrugs and they procceed to the next door and here is Yassa Arafat hitting a rock with a pick over and over, Mr Hussian looks and shakes his head again " i have this bad shoulder and cant do heavy work" he says
The Devil shrugs and they proceed to the final door the devil opens it and here is Bill Clinton laying spread eagled on a torture table with Monica Lewinsky ontop of him doing what she does best, Mr Hussian's eyes light up and go wide and he says " hell yes i can do that"
The devil smirks and says " Miss Lewinsky Your Are Free To Go!"
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Old 03-08-2004, 19:56   #720
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Of The Day

Husbands For Sale

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go
to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, youcouldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A Couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love
kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up They went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids,and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I
Wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow,"
Said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up They went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are ****ing impossible to please. The exit is to your left !!!

I don't mean in really girls, honest
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