Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Paddy is on the final question on Who wants to be a Millionairre.
He has just one lifeline left…it is the ‘phone a friend’ lifeline.
Jeremy Clarkson asks him the question.
Which bird does not build a nest?
A)a blackbird.
B) a starling.
C) a Sparrow.
C) a cuckoo.
Paddy scratches his head, he has not got a clue.
He uses his phone a friend lifeline and phones Mick.
He asks Mick the question and right away Mick tells him it is the cuckoo.
Paddy wins the million.
After the show the two guys are sinking a few Guinness and Paddy says to Mick
‘How did you know it was the cuckoo Mick?’
‘To be sure Paddy, everybody knows that the cuckoo lives in a clock’

Ok, I’ll get my coat!

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

(Q); What's the staple diet of a pigeon?

(A); Tarmac.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; Why can't you buy aspirins in the jungle?

A; 'Cos the parrots eat 'em all. (Paracetamol)

He He.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; What's the main affliction of a beachcomber.

A; Sand in me toe-sis.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; What's the best gift you can buy?

A; A Broken Drum. You just can't beat it!

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

I walked down the street in town, dressed as a screw-driver.

That turned a few heads.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; What's the similarity between Red Bull, the drink, and Always Sanitary products?

A; They both gives you Wings!

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; What do you call an alligator in a vest?

A; An investigator.

Get away.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

A guy comes home drunk again, his wife turns to him and remarks “I cannot understand why you do this to me,” he then replies “If you don’t understand, then you shouldn’t talk about it.”
Cheers

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

A little 5 year-old lad has a week off from school - teacher wants to know why he was away.
He says 'My mum was in bed, cos she had a bus'.

The annoyed teacher doesn't except this lame excuse. 'Well, perhaps it was a coach she had, then', says the boy.
Teacher says 'Tomorrow, I want a note from your parents telling me the reason, or else'.

Next day the boy gives a note to the teacher, who reads it. 'Ah! It seems your mother's had a mis-carriage, lad. I'm sorry to hear that'

'Ahh! That's it. I knew it was something on wheels'.

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

An old one but still funny:
A boy came home from his Accrington school and asked his mom "where did I come from". she replied "go and asked your dad". His dad then asked him why he needs to know this. The boy replied saying his new friend at school told him he was from Manchester.

Cheers

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

This is not a joke, but a true story:
I think that I've got over dementia! I'm sure that I had the disease when I was a kid, why do I think that?
Because I was always forgetting the following:
- doing my homework
- leaving my jacket on the playing fields
- buying something for mom, which she told me to buy
-and lots of other things
Cheers

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

No Philip…that was selective memory loss…dementia is involuntary memory loss

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

A teacher once told me not to worry about spelling, because in the future there will be AUTOCORRECT, for which I am eternally grapefruit!

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

Q; What do you call a Frenchman that's been attacked by a cat?

A; Claude. :)

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

A guy of seventy was in his garden, when suddenly, a Fairy appeared. She said you are very lucky today, because you have a wish, but only one! He thought about this for a long time and in doing so he thought about his wife who was also 70, and said he would like a wife 10 years younger than himself! A noise like thunder was heard and suddenly there he was as an 80-year-old!
The moral: You don’t always get what you wish for!
Cheers

Re: Joke Of The Day
 

I bought a new TV the other day - while I was unpacking it I noticed on the side was written 'Built in Antenna'.

No idea were that is but it makes a change from China.