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On saturday, Stanley are off to Dagenham
Maybe they're going down a shaggin' um,
We're all hoping they'll win,
Well, that's sure not a sin,

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On saturday, Stanley are off to Dagenham
Maybe they're going down a shaggin' um,
We're all hoping they'll win,
Well, that's sure not a sin,
if it is, then I'm from Birmingham

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Eee by gum Ay, them were t'days eh Tayleaf?
No turkey for Christmas Day - just cornbeef
We lived in a box and we hadn't no socks,
No coal on t'fire, just owd rocks
Cornbeef were accomp'nid wi one cabbage leaf.

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Same owd story - t'council have over spent

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Same owd story - t'council have over spent
We've no idea where all that cash went,

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Same owd story - t'council have over spent
We've no idea where all that cash went,
apart from thirty thou on a rusty wheel

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Same owd story - t'council have over spent
We've no idea where all that cash went,
apart from thirty thou on a rusty wheel
and another thirty on a slap-up meal.
Do you think, by any chance, they're bent?

Sorry.........I could'nt resist finishing this one off.

Got to go now....

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Very good T, hear from you tomorrow.

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Thought I'd revive this,

In Church there are lots of owd wells,

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In Church there are lots of owd wells,
And factorys that give off strange smells,

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In Church there are lots of owd wells,
And factorys that give off strange smells,
But the thing I love best,

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In Church there are lots of owd wells,
And factorys that give off strange smells,
But the thing I love best,
- and I say not in jest -

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In Church there are lots of owd wells,
And factorys that give off strange smells,
But the thing I love best,
- and I say not in jest -
Is Tealeaf and the tales that he tells.

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There was an 'owd market in town

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:drink:there was an owd market in town.

that loads used to go round,

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There was an 'owd market in town,
Where The prices caused Tealeaf to frown

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There was an 'owd market in town,
Where The prices caused Tealeaf to frown,
He only wanted a HBC dressing gown,

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think u killed it there doug.....

hehehehehehe

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There was an 'owd market in town,
Where The prices caused Tealeaf to frown,
He only wanted a HBC dressing gown
but all he got was a dressing DOWN

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Cheer's Steven, but I thinks this is a case of Janet to the rescue. lol

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There was an 'owd market in town,
Where The prices caused Tealeaf to frown,
He only wanted a HBC dressing gown
but all he got was a dressing DOWN
when 'owd Mary found out he was back in town.

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There was an old cogger from accy

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There was an old cogger from accy
who was on the look out for a lodger

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There was an old cogger from accy
who was on the look out for a lodger
he was ever so tight

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There was an old cogger from accy
who was on the look out for a lodger
he was ever so tight
but try as he might

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J.C. - come on guys, the 1st and 2nd lines are supposed to rhyme, then the third and fourth lines are supposed to rhyme, then the fifth line is supposed to rhyme with the first and second lines. I've feckled the current one to work:-

In Accy there was an old codger,
Who was on the look out for a lodger,
He was ever so tight,
But try as he might,
He could only get Roger the dodger.

Here's a new start:-

Some folks just can't make things rhyme,
It happens a lot of the time,

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it is kind of funny

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Some folks just can't make things rhyme,
It happens a lot of the time,
it is kind of funny
even though it's not sunny

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Some folks just can't make things rhyme,
It happens a lot of the time,
it is kind of funny
even though it's not sunny
you can't suit everybody all of the time

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there were two young ladies from kent

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there were two young ladies from kent
who to the pub,they did frequent

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there were two young ladies from kent

whoto the pub they did frequent
on paying their bill

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There were two young ladies from kent
Who to the pub they did frequent
On paying their bill
They received quite a thrill

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when the landlord caught his thing in the till.

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There was a young man from Cheam,

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There was a young man from Cheam,
Up his arse was a huge wooden beam

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There was a young man from Cheam,
Up his arse was a huge wooden beam,
whilst out on the river,

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There was a young man from Cheam,
Up his arse was a huge wooden beam,
whilst out on the river,
He started to shiver,

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[QUOTE=yerself]There was a young man from Cheam,
Up his arse was a huge wooden beam,
whilst out on the river,
He started to shiver,
and his stern craked apart at the seam.

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There was a young Lady who daily,

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There was a young Lady who daily
got a whistle from handsome young bailey

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he gave it a tweet

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but left it nice and neat.........

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There was a young Lady who daily
got a whistle from handsome young bailey
he gave it a tweet
but left it nice and neat
now he kisses the young lady daily

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there once was a man from pool............

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there once was a man from pool
who thought he was rather cool

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He walked past a school

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there once was a man from pool
who thought he was rather cool
He walked past a school
thinking Jamie Oliver was a fool

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and stood in a dollop of dog stool

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when taking a plane off to france

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when taking a plane off to france
The ladies, they did dance

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when taking a plane off to france
The ladies, they did dance
they had just won some contest
to see who had the best chest

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when taking a plane off to france
The ladies, they did dance
they had just won some contest
to see who had the best chest
and which ones bounced best in the prance

Not a very good last line I know but there were very few options there.

OK here's a new one.



We hear David and posh may return

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and there is something that they have to learn,

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They have to learn not to be so sad

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or he will get a KICK IN THE NAD!!!!

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I knew a old woman from settle.

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Who stung her arse on a nettle

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I KNEW A OLD WOMAN FROM SETTLE
Who stung her arse on a nettle
SHE BOILED THE KETTLE.......

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And made tea with a petal!!!!!!

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I knew a old man from ossy...................

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I knew a old man from ossy,
who dressed in a prostitute's cozzy,

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I knew an old man from Ossy,
Who dressed in a prostitutes cozzy,
It chafed and it pinched.......

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I knew an old man from Ossy,
Who dressed in a prostitutes cozzy,
It chafed and it pinched......
but he never flinched......

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I knew an old man from Ossy,
Who dressed in a prostitutes cozzy,
It chafed and it pinched,
as he ran past the lynch,

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I knew an old man from Ossy,
Who dressed in a prostitutes cozzy,
It chafed and it pinched,
as he ran past the lynch,
and his new perm went all fozzy!!!!!!!!!

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young janet who posts on this site
was watching the tele one night

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young janet who posts on this site
was watching the tele one night
she suddenly jumped

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and both her fists thumped

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As She Said ''god These Knickers Are Tight!!!!

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cos her boyfriend woz on price is right

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sorry slinky ,got carried away ,,yours was better anyway ,,lol

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LOL...........yours wasn't bad either.

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I KNEW A OLD WOMAN FROM SETTLE
Who stung her arse on a nettle
SHE BOILED THE KETTLE.......
And made tea with a petal!!!!!!
but for got she'd P***** in the Kettle

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Oh bo**ocks, I cocked that up didn't I :o

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LMAO DOUG you are as good as tinks at these hehehehehe

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PMSL @ Doug!
Did you get carried away? Cos l was getting pictures of golden showers over in Yorkshire!
Oh, time for another tablet.:(

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I'm not answering this post just in case I set myself up for a slapping. ;) When did you ever see a golden shower in Yorkshire grainda. The bu**ers are to tight to pass the water let alone **** on you. Oh bu**er, don't tell F**i, don't what to up set her again........:p

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Fib's is ok,
she has Lancashire blood in her,
and her waters run free!

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P.S. This was a statement not the start of a bad limerick!

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It's a good job I've been told to sit on my hands Garinda I thought it was the start of a rather good one and was just contemplating what i'd follow on with!

EDIT: Infact I'm going to tell you what i'd follow on with

just make sure you never pee on a bee!!

How's that Doug :p

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just make sure you never pee on a bee!!
it might sting you were you pee

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and also on your knee

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just make sure you never pee on a bee!!
it might sting you were you pee
and also on your knee
Then he'll have Slinky on her way to tea

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Right I'll have a go at starting one

There was a young man called Mick

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There was a young man called Mick,
Whose hose was incredibly thick,

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There was a young man called Mick,
Whose hose was incredibly thick,
once in a while, he would smile

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[QUOTE=janet]There was a young man called Mick,
Whose hose was incredibly thick,
once in a while, he would smile,
As it stretched for a mile,

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There was a young man called Mick,
Whose hose was incredibly thick,
once in a while, he would smile,
As it stretched for a mile,
And with jealousy, made us all sick.




Tinkerbell once told her dad,

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Then fell off his perch

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A woman from Burnley one day

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A woman from Burnley one day,
Went for a roll in the hay,

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A woman from Burnley one day,
Went for a roll in the hay,
she felt a large lump,

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A woman from Burnley one day,
Went for a roll in the hay,
she felt a large lump and cried hecky thump!

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[QUOTE=Kiki]A woman from Burnley one day,
Went for a roll in the hay,
she felt a large lump and cried hecky thump
in 3months i,m going to pay ...

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A Woman from burnley one day
went for a roll in the hay
she felt a large lump and cried hecky thump
in three months i'm going to pay
for the fun i had on this day

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A lady from cleveleys one day

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A lady from cleveleys one day
Decided to go for a roll in the hay

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A lady from cleveleys one day
Decided to go for a roll in the hay
as she took the rollers out of her hair

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she realised that she was bare