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A lady from cleveleys one day
Decided to go for a roll in the hay
as she took the rollers out of her hair
Then realized_she was bare_________________
tossed aTuxedo out of the way

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There once was a man from great arwood

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who owned a car that was a dud

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[QUOTE=Sara]who owned a car that was a dud
the fella said sugar
whats up with the ******

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There once was a man from great arwood
who owned a car that was a dud
the fella said sugar
whats up with the ******
I think it must have been in a flood.

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In a land so far away

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lived a man called michael Grey

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He was small

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In a land so far away
there lived a man named Micheal Grey
He was small
and was bald

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But a tune he could play

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There was once a man named Sid

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There was once a man named Sid
who wasn't happy as a kid

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There was once a man named Sid
who wasn't happy as a kid
he always had holes in his pants

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and lived on spiders ,snails and ants

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He starved to death poor Sid.

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a buxom young lady called toots

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who had bleached blonde hair and black roots

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wore fish net tights................

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and try as she might

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She couldn't eat bamboo shoots.

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a boozer who had a big belly

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was partial to the odd vodka jelly

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a boozer who had a big belly
was partial to the odd vodka jelly
sat on her a*** in front of the telly

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]a boozer who had a big belly
was partial to the odd vodka jelly
his wife was as bad
she was smoking a fag


sat on her a*** in front of the telly/


sorry doug i sqeezed it between your line .....

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No problem grannyclaret........nothing like a nice sqeeze......:p

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A vicar from Dibley was she

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A vicar from Dibley was she
who like to come for tea

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A vicar from Dibley was she,
who like to come for tea,
whilst pouring for Alice,

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A vicar from Dibley was she,
who like to come for tea,
whilst pouring for Alice,
her thoughts filled with mallice

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A vicar from Dibley was she,
who like to come for tea,
whilst pouring for Alice,
her thoughts filled with mallice,
as she scalded the poor girls knee.



New one-

There was a young lady from Kent,

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There was a young lady from Kent,
Who thought that she may be bent,

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she looked at the boys and girls

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There was a young lady from Kent,

who thought that she may be bent

She looked at the boys and girls
considered the muscles or pearls?

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There was a young lady from Kent,
Who thought that she may be bent,
she looked at the boys and girls
Whilst playing with her curls

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[QUOTE=Doug]There was a young lady from Kent,
Who thought that she may be bent,
she looked at the boys and girls
Whilst playing with her curls
and winked at the lass with the tent

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[QUOTE=grannyclaret]hahahahaha nice one granny claret I like it!!!!!!!:D

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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a young lady from Kent,

who thought that she may be bent

She looked at the boys and girls
considered the muscles or pearls she dwelton the latter but became somewhat fatter and fogot her initial intent

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Should someone have started a new one?

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There was an old man from Cheam,

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There was an old man from Cheam,
that was part of a very odd team,

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There was an old man from Cheam,
that was part of a very odd team,
they all wore green wellies

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There was an old man from Cheam,
that was part of a very odd team,
they all wore green wellies
and tickled sheep’s bellies

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There was an old man from Cheam,
that was part of a very odd team,
they all wore green wellies
and tickled sheep’s bellies
and then awoke from a dream

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welldon eveyone i like that one!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

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while reading a letter one day

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while reading a letter one day
After having a roll in the hay,

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while reading a letter one day
After having a roll in the hay,
he lit up a fag

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while reading a letter one day
After having a roll in the hay,
he lit up a fag
and said '' what a good mag''!

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while reading a letter one day
After having a roll in the hay,
he lit up a fag
and said '' what a good mag''!
I could sit here and read it all day !!!!

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The tango man was orange.....:D

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And looked a bit like Morph

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The tango man was orange.....:D
i say did you get that orange..............................you little minx nothing ryhmes
the colour is wrong
coz it wont fit this song
nothing will rhyme with orange .................................hows that ;)

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sorry kiki i never saw your post .....

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lmao..................that one was to get you all thinking before you fell asleep with bordem................:D

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its ok Granny C! seeing its you !(we are web mates from old)

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There is a couple called charles and camilla

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There is a couple called charles and camilla
if still alive, diana would kill her

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There is a couple called charles and camilla
if still alive, diana would kill her
The wedding day beckons

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There is a couple called charles and camilla
if still alive, diana would kill her
The wedding day beckons
and everyone reckons

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There is a couple called charles and camilla
if still alive, diana would kill her
The wedding day beckons
and everyone reckons
it will go down well in manila

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Off to e-bay i am going

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there was a strange smell in the house

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Off to e-bay i am going
buying allsorts too and froo-ing

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there was a strange smell in the house
thought it a dead bat or mouse

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Off to e-bay i am going
buying allsorts too and fro-ing
I'm just like Weird Al






there was a strange smell in the house
thought it a dead bat or mouse
could not trace the source

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there was a strange smell in the house
thought it a dead bat or mouse
could not trace the source
but there was some manure from a horse

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Off to e-bay i am going
buying allsorts too and fro-ing
I'm just like Weird Al
what! your pal?

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there was a strange smell in the house
thought it a dead bat or mouse
could not trace the source
but there was some manure from a horse
and aftershave just used by my spouse

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Off to e-bay i am going
buying allsorts too and fro-ing
I'm just like Weird Al
what! your pal?
I want to buy plenty of bling.

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Off to e-bay i am going
buying allsorts too and fro-ing
I'm just like Weird Al
what! your pal?
I want to buy plenty of bling.
I hear you sing!!!!!!!!!!!

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our tinkers and slinky are glad

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our tinkers and slinky are glad
but accy webbers think they're mad

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so now he drinks at the birch!!!!!

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our tinkers and slinky are glad
but accy webbers think they're mad
so now he drinks at the birch!!!!!
with that tall guy Lurch

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The webbers of Accy are

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There once was a club called the stanley

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our tinkers and slinky are glad
but accy webbers think they're mad
so now he drinks at the birch!!!!!
with that tall guy Lurch
It makes the rest of the Adams sad

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The webbers of Accy are
always stood round a bar

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The webbers of Accy are
always stood round a bar
when theve had a few drinks

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The webbers of Accy are
always stood round a bar
when theve had a few drinks
The men start to wink

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The webbers of Accy are
always stood round a bar
when theve had a few drinks
The men start to wink
Before driving away in a car.

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it was saturday night in the spring

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it was saturday night in the spring
when the birds, they began to sing

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it was saturday night in the spring
when the birds, they began to sing
The sun was shining,

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it was saturday night in the spring
when the birds, they began to sing
The sun was shining,
people out dining

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it was saturday night in the spring
when the birds, they began to sing
The sun was shining,
people out dining
When she excepted the gold ring.

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there was a rich widdow in accy
but her habbits were rather tacky

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There was a rich widdow in accy,
But her habits were rather tacky,
She would spend lots of cash,
Going out on the lash,
And smoking the old wacky baccy!

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she was looking for something in red

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She was looking for something in red,
Her intention, to get him in bed,

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She was looking for something in red,
Her intention, to get him in bed,
her bossom,s size forty

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She was looking for something in red,
Her intention, to get him in bed,
her bossom,s size forty
she was feeling a little naughty

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She was looking for something in red,
Her intention, to get him in bed,
Her bossom,s size forty
She was feeling a little naughty
So happily gave him some hea............

Oh my, will I be banned?

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a film star was taking a bath
with an extra ,just for a laugh

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A film star was taking a bath,
With an extra, just for a laugh,
The suds started to melt,
And her boobs then got 'felt',

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Tealeaf, a fella from Church,
Who walks with a bit of a Lurch,
It's the ale in The Stag,
That made it all shag
and knocked him clean off of his perch

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[QUOTE=JohnW]
A film star was taking a bath,
With an extra, just for a laugh,
The suds started to melt,
And her boobs then got 'felt',
that will teach her to mess with a taff

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I always seem to look at the thread when it's someone's turn to start a Limerick :(

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come on then gobsmacked,i seem to keep doing them ;)

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I was under the misaprehension that the person who completed the last one had to start the new one.